Monday, December 15, 2008

Roast your turkey this African Xmas

So I almost dehydrated in dirtbin on Sunday, Fuck Sake it was the hottest place on this earth, and I had to get dressed up in full battle gear and go riding around French Pigs farm in the blazing sun, I feinted. Yup in the bush, I feinted off my bony. Damn that’s so manly, so manly it makes me get an erection, exerting so much energy, in the wild, I feinted. Fuck the poor, I feel good!

So I read Pea’s post on 08, and I thought, hell that’s a smart chick, let me do the same, cause I knock off on Friday, mentally though I have already knocked off, you know, don’t really give a shit anymore!

So here goes, two thousand and eights dog nuts:

All in all, I wouldn’t go back and visit with ’08; I learnt a lot of lessons that I will definitely use going forward.

I started my blog
I had a girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry, so I bought a house with her, we started renovating the house and decided that it wasn’t good that we date, cause I was going to kill her otherwise, we broke up – Major fucking drama
She beat me up, I accepted the beating
She sued me; I sued back – Major fucking drama
I met Pharo, happy as a pig in poo
I bought my house lock stock, and feel proud!
I left one shitty overpaid job, to join another shitty overpaid job
I turned 30, had a major party drank for 3 days straight, that was a good ho down, shit balls!

So as you can see from the above that the actions were not off the charts cool, but the lessons learnt were way worth it (don’t put the cart before the horse in a relationship, small steps). I learnt who my true mates are, and I respect that immensely, I learnt that I am bad judge of character when it comes to woman, so I am dealing with that. Pharo and our relationship is how a relationship should be, I am not pinning any hopes, not planning anything, just going day by day, until….I dunno.

Merry merry and all that jazz, smoke a stogie, and rip open your gifts, I am going to be chilling on the beach in St Fanny reading a book and surfing my balls off (I bought myself a new surfboard for Xmas, hell yeah!)


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The real Queen, just saying.

Lets just say that if we were all normal, would this happen:

1) Watching an individual take a smoking hot Danish girl out on a dinner date with a bunch of friends and hooking up with another? (madness or genuis?)
2)Ripping one's shirt off at the pub bar and tying it into a bow around your midriff, and then act like a queen, I dunno?
3)Watching a hasbeen Rugby star trying to pick up your girl and enjoy watching him fail miserably.
4)Sticking your finger through your zipper and pretending its your willy, its only funny for about 2 minutes
5)Trying to sing opera, this is stupid
6)Doing the dice dance move
7)Trying to talk business (*DRUNK*) - not productive

All this and bunch more that always gets lost in the haze of mayhem, it is the silly season and silly things happen. The silliest of them all is going to be keeping your job in '09, thats what the papers say. Hell, may as well enjoy ourselves while we can.

The end

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Here's a tip to myself: you suck

Suck ass, huge freaking ass, Pharo is awesomeness all over, although, why do I find myself checking other fem fatal tail, and going mmm mmm mmm, i could chew on that!

As a man are we pre-programmed to check out the menu, and if the manager is not looking run off without paying the bill (e.g. fuck the brains out of your secretary). A timeless cliche the whole secretary bang, my dad did it and tore our family apart, am I destined to play the hokey pokey, even though I am in "love" with my siginifacnt other, I am just worried that igniting the lust will make me cross the tipping point of manogamy.

Girls its fucking hard for men to stay faithful, Pharo has a good example:

There is a line, at the two ends there is point A = Very High Sex drive and Point B = Very Low Sex Drive. By reason the guy at point A is more likely going to cheat, can he help it (I dunno), then you get point B dude, by reason again, he is more likely to not cheat due to his low sex drive (or be an egyptian unik). As men, when we enter relationships I believe that we dont want to cheat, we genuianly want to love and cherish our woman, although men (in general - this whole thing is very general) can screw just to screw, can woman?

Like a tickling wound, I have a high sex drive, thus I look at the bikini clad lass's but I dont execute an orgy scene with them, NOOOOO, NADDA, Nufink, fuck all, I look though, I am open about it,I tell Pharo "hell how's that ass" she laughs, but I let her know that her's is the only ass that I want (aagghhh how nice/cute/etc add nice words here....)

The point I am trying to make, is all men are horned up, we want to Ama Shova, its how we express it, execute it, convey it, and how honest are we about it. I am brutally honest about loving a shag, a healthy good one albiet.

Do you get me?


Friday, December 5, 2008

Feeling like this is cool

Is it possible to love without obsession, can we admire without screaming genius, fuck? Can we photograph a naked 16 year old belter without being swept up in riotous fervour?

Well my hot little meat ball Pharo is becoming quite special to me, I mean what the hell…I will say it out loud, I am quite an emotional little monkey, and whilst drunk last night I blurted to one of her crew that I might just L….u…rrrrrv that special little custard pudding, that hot tamalie. Like a big tit, a massive TIT TEE, I blurt shit out when ensconced in alcoholic substances, I would make a great drunk poet, or weird Japanese karaoke singer, either way.

Yeah, so I like the kid, yeah so I said something in a public forum, I just hope for all the crooked cops in SA that it doesn’t mess the cool vibe that we have going on.

Tonight I am gorging my face on as Sushi as only I can (to date my record is 12 plates at CTM) , great huh, my awesome as fuck splintered new half family is celebrating the birthday of my Dad’s Girlfriends knocked up 22 year daughter, lordy this has been one wired weird week, what with Mr. fucking Bones 2 an; all, now this…at least boozing helps to take off the edge, oh wait my Japanese karaoke split persona comes out.

There’s no hope.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Take me there...St Fanny

Don’t you love the fact that we are at work, but not really there, I mean I am here, sitting at my desk, but I am not here, not sitting at my desk.

I am 2 weeks away from beach, surf, loads of sleep, beers, Pharo, and whatever I damn well feel like doing, maybe

1) taking the whole morning to decide on the perfect sandwich to make
2) being so lazy that getting off the couch is an effort so you just let your coffee go cold (its only 2cm out of reach)
3) after beach luvin', with that salty, sunkissed feel aggghhh
4) after surf luvin, with that salty, sunkissed feel aggghhh
5) after lunch luvin', with that salty, sunkissed feel aggghhh
6) really hanging out with my family and talking crap, that’s important
7) waking up and going for a naked jog.
8) waking up and going back to sleep
9) having a 1 hour poo with a good book
10) lots of braai's, beers, and laughter

thats where I am, not at work - 2 weeks away!

One of my mates is in the Mr. Bones 2 movie and I have to support him, so we going tonight, damn it too all hell, I have to sit through 2 hours of Mr. Bones - Gawd, grant me the fortitude to get through this!

Another thing that I have been trying to really focus on is relaxing, now I know that I am going to do fuckload of this in the holidays, but I am reading this book on how to improve your surfing, in it mentions that when you are stressed your whole body is fuck stiff and your groove goes all whak. Now generally I am stressed to the max, I am making a concerted effort to just slow down, read/listen properly, 'cause I always find myself rushing shit. Slow down and breath, keep it simple...thats my mantra going into '09, hopefully my surfing will improve with it?

keep it cool.


Sunday, November 30, 2008

Friday morning began with another ball bag headache deluxe, I don’t know why Gareth Cliff advocates Pooza Thursday it’s the dumbest freaking thing ever! You just feel like dog shit on all Friday and then feel the need to chase the hair of the dog post work, as half my mates only work half day on Friday (cause we live in Durban and people here only work Mon – Thurs). I unfortunately work full day Friday, maybe I can take my case to the CCMA?

Friday night I hit up Thunder Road a great little rock bar in Florida Rd, and unexpectedly caught a live act, The Banks, we sat down and the lead signers mum was sitting next to us and we struck up a convo with the ol’ bat, and we were forced to not only watch her offspring sing and gyrate but hoot like hell, we were the # 1 groupies. No a bad band, had a couple of toots, and went home, I needed to safe myself for Crazy Legs Barbel fishing contest the next day, hell yeah.


Started bad, headache, fat hairy friend lying on lounge floor naked, I had to pack in a rush as Pharo was meeting us at a mates place in 30 minutes, so I packed everything that I didn’t need, ha ha ha, a jersey, one shoe (thank gawd I was wearing my slops), a hat, towel and a wrist band (WTF). So I waited on the road for Pharo, and I waited, and I waited…so I phone: “Hey you sexy custard pudding, where you?”, Pharo: “aaghhh, what, huh, aaaaghhhh, I am still sleeping what time is it” – What she fell asleep, she rushed over 2 hours late. Oh doet balls, eventually we got up to Camperdown to the Crazy Legs Barbel Fishing competition, with the following (after a few stops):

Food (important)
Rods (important for the competition)
Booze (the most important thing in the world)
My bony

I was so amped to catch me a whiskey mud flapper, I downed a beer, got Kalvin to trace me up and then I hit that dam, cast my line in the boiling heat, set up my coolie with grogs next to me and set myself up for hours of successful fishing….I caught jack SHIT! But drank and danced for the first freaking team.

The dance floor was the place to be, Dinks tried to do a dirty dancing move where Patrick Swayze lifts Baby into the air, although Dinks was lifted into a moving Fan, so she had got scalped by the high speed propeller, there was literally blood on the dance floor. Carnage ensued:

Dancing, doing my throw the dice, pick em up and throw em again – killa move’s
Fishing in the squalls of rain
Ummm a lot more happened I think, but I cant remember

I think if you were sober at this thing, you would have had the funniest show in the world, fuck we were off our tits drunk, good fun, I think.

The winning barbell by the way was a 4.2kg baby, caught by the only guy that took the event seriously didn’t drink and sat by his rod all night, it was caught and weighed at 2:34am – dick! He should have been disqualified for not drinking.

I went riding on Sunday arvo with Sid the Sloth, up the mountains that was great!

Then I smashed my couch, hard, very hard.


Friday, November 28, 2008

Freaking radical, I am taking a half day today and going to the stores to buy the following:

1 x portion of chicken livers
2 x fishing rods
1 x bag of big hooks
2 x small seat thingies to sit on

You see I have entered myself and Pharo into the Annual Crazy Legs Barbel Fishing Contest, where you pay an entrance fee, drink yourself into oblivion whilst trying to catch the biggest barbel, which are donated to farm staff, who for some reason love eating the tassle stinking fish. Huh

Wow, that last post was hectic, I must say I didnt expect it to bug me so much, but I find myself deep in thought about the scenario of Stix, about the what if's and the many people could have been perfect for you. I dunno, maybe Chantelle Rut in class 2 was the belter for me.

i cant wait to go away this weekend for the Cray Legs, will be awesome to get away from the festering corporate cool cats and just be myself with Pharo and all my close mates.

Have a good one!


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I was going to write today’s blag about my passive aggressive roomie Red, he drives me fucking up the wall, but he is cool...although after reading Spindrifting SA's blog today, I thought I would tell you about one of the biggest regrets of my life:

In 2003 I had moved into a digs in Durban North, with 3 of my oldest pals, it was our first night in the new place, and we hear a knock on the door, a mate and I were wrestling on the floor and this beautiful woman walks in and asks for Sunrise, "huh, me", Stix was dropping off a camera for work that I had to do for a youth trend forecasting company called Instant Grass. I look up from the WWF hold that I was in and said "aagghhh that’s me..."

Stix and I ended up chatting a bit about work, then more personal stuff and then just talking, those talks that just blow you away, we clicked like an atomic bomb, she was beautiful in the most sexy way, she was crazy just like I love that crazy that I like, and unique, definitely unique, which is so rare.

Eventually we had the beanbags out on the lawn, smoked a joint and stared at the stars, we kissed and she stayed over, it was one of those "is this really happening moments, pinch yourself"

We continued to see each other and it grew into a relationship, I was whipped to the max. She asked me a question one night: "Did you sleep with Jube before me (a mutual friend)", I said "No (I lied - on the premise that I did not want her to think bad of me, the worst mistake {seriously} I have ever made of my life)". Life carried on in my blissful loved up state, until I got the phone call that ruined me for a while:

Stix: I am at a Braai with Jube, and she just commented that you and her did sleep together, why did you lie

Sunrise: aaghhh, cause I love you and didn’t want you to think bad of me at that stage of knowing you, I am sorry, it was before I met you, I am sorry.

Stix: You lied, I cant trust you...(after a long time) Its over

I was devastated, I truly thought I was going to marry Stix, we continued to be friends (good friends) post the break up, and I continued to be hopelessly in love with her, even watching her date douchbags. It was the hardest thing I have had to endure, part of me still loves her, she is happy and in love, and I am stoked for her. When you lie, you fuck everything up.

That is my biggest regret, losing love.


Monday, November 24, 2008

I feel like the bottom of the porridge pot today, just the norm for Monday. But a sweet weekend of surprising (and some funny) events.

we met up with mates for Friday night sushi and all night drinking at the local, and watched Red trying to pick up this belter FHM model, hell that was like watching a fat kid on a diet being gagged whilst a triple decker bar one cake was suspended in front of his face, so much effort but so unavailable. We kept the cream soda industry afloat that night; the JD's were flowing hard, seriously hard.

Saturday, I loaded my bony and headed out to Cato Manor Track, I met Jamo and the crew and rode my dirtbike like a machine, a couple of wipeouts but its feeling good, I reckon I am getting the hang of the feel of the bike how to move it, this is a cool sideline sport. Although... its fucken expensive, a grand here, a grand there for seals and forks, fuck, shit. Dirt bike riders are a bunch of red necks, cool ones though, but still Reddies, rough boys, but honest. The girls that follow this crowd though a tramp stamp deluxe, yeah!

Sat night, we hit the local again, drinking away, chatitty chat chat, and next thing we hear 10 cop vans screaming up Florida rd, and stop outside Wonderlounge (a strip club), which is situated 20m from Billy the Bumz, these coppers, bailed out in military precision brandishing weapons and whole heap of weaponry shit, only to beat down a dude who had hit an off duty cop, who then called his buddies to back him up. The dude that klapped the pussy cop, got bailed into a cop van and hauled off to no doubt a serious beating. But the amount of SAPS support was too funny the whole of Billyz was cat calling and booing the cops for there stupid show of support, for a pervy, nerdy coppa.

check out the SAPS's code of conduct, what a crock of bullony:

commit myself to creating a safe and secure environment for all people
in South Africa by –

participating in endeavours aimed at addressing the causes of crime;
preventing all acts which may threaten the safety or security of any community; and
investigating criminal conduct which endangers the safety or security of the community
and bringing the perpetrators to justice.

I really am beginning to think that surrounding yourself with positive people really do result in positive actions. Things are looking up, Pharo is still so radical, I need some waves though, that would be cool, so I reckon I am going to ask fate for that.


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Email from Pharo.

Hi Sunrise

Was wondering how you’re feeling today. I know you get a hangover on the fumes of beer so if you stopped at Billy’s you’ll no doubt be feeling it.

I was so late today, just got in. Took forever to pack then still had to drop the food off with the guy I told you about.

Let’s hope today va va vooms.

See you later alligator


I failed at Sovember

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Yup, I know I surf early every single morning, I know that the wave's have been crap for the last 2 months, I know that I am a bad/stupid morning person...but there is no need to blunder like I did this morning.

Walking down the North Beach Pier, I was chatting to Big Dawg:

Sunrise: "Fuck this for fun, the wave is poo, I could have been lying in bed next to Pharo, all warm and snuggly hoping for a HOWS YOUR FATHER, instead I am in the rain going for a surf in KAK conditions"

Big Dawg: "I think..."

Pharo's Father: "No really I am glad you came down, a brisk swim will do you good"

Sunrise: "Hii Hiii, ummmmm, Hi Mr. Pharo, ummmmm, agggghhhh"

Yup, Mr. Pharo decided to come down for an early morning swim, and walk behind me, whilst I chatted about his beautiful daughter, whom I am exceptionally fond of, bless her tight buttocks. What a cock up, although that breaks the ice for any other cock ups.

Pharo the champ that she is, thought it a gas, while glad one of us does, so know the fam knows that we shtoping each other, grand. Her response was: "Sunrise you 30, I am 27, what do they think we do when I stay over?" You little biscuit.



Monday, November 17, 2008

A hangover (veisalgia) describes the sum of my wonderfully unpleasant physiological effects following another exceptionally heavy consumption of alcoholic beverages on Saturday.

Friday was a non-event because I was hanging from Thursday’s binge, although our boss did feel the need to run his own “amazing race” event, which had me driving around Dirtbin, looking for stupid fucking clues, whilst Charro (my good colleague) was reading the wrong clues, thus chasing the wrong clues, fucken ‘ell it was the last thing I really wanted to do on a Friday arvo…really, did the boss not stop to think and consider how sacred a Friday is, if you want to bond with your employees do it during your time, like Monday through to Friday 8am-5pm, not 5pm Friday…fuckitfuckitfuckit fuckwit!

After which the couch attacked me, and kept me hostage the rest of Friday eve, whilst Harrison Ford lumped his old ass looking for a crystal skull, what a lame movie.

Due to me hanging out Shia Lebouf and Harrison Ford on Friday night I was amped for a shit off early start on Sat, so I dragged Pharo out of bed at 5:30, and we sped to the beach. Red joined us for Breaky on top of Durban Surf Lifesaving club and we chin wagged about general nonsense, then a random dude just joined our table, its that kinda restaurant locals and all that where everyone knows everyone and tables are joined or taken over, and its cool, but this dude asked if he could sit on the end of our table and drink a coffee, no worries dude go right ahead, just don’t fucken take over our conversation you opinionated ass. Hate that…this weekend wasn’t going in the right direction…then…

Red invited me to a pool party, I went I fell in love, this was real love, the love that only happens once in a lifetime, her name was Peace, and she was beautiful, I thought about running away with her, I asked her if I could, she said no, I almost cried, Hold on, I did cry. She was only R5k a month, beautifully shabby and on the beach, I mean on the beach.

Peace cottage is the most beautiful beach cottage that some mates rent from an old money family, they have decked the place out with the bare essentials of beach living, surf ski’s, surf boards , dive equipment, half a drum for a braai, outside bar, inflatable pool, and an garden of milkwood trees that lead onto a private beach. Well I settled in for the day, drinking, eating watching CRAP rugby, and getting more drunk – I was lord of the bar, and once the John Deers started flowing I was tickets. The blurr set in after we hit Hops & Barley, some dude try to smooch Pharo, I lunged at him in slow motion, with a growl that echoed in my head. I ended up buying him a beer and by the end of the evening (at Harveyz)I think he was my brother for life, the kind of “brother from another mother” kind of drunken murmurings. I danced the four feet monkey shuffle showing the young ones how to throw some tail…oh and i kept asking this mean looking dude to slap me, cause I needed to get slapped sober. agghhh, why?

To my detriment (damn), the world did not end during the night, and I had to deal with my hangover (again) on Sunday, I chilled hard, so hard that I am still dealing with it now…

Sovember here I come, from now till the end.


Friday, November 14, 2008

This gangbanger went downtown last night...

So I am hanging like a pimpin' snoop dog today, hell I was getting a serious case cabin fever, so I hit the town. Billyz in Florida Rd is the high times for vagina loving men and dick loving older ladies; it’s a unadalterated orgy house, what fun! I caught up with old mates, whilst swilling beer and vodies, agh the good stuff.

It was good to feel the ol'' loose Sunrise rise from the ashes, the liquor inflamed talk, the machismo of Dutch courage, the thoughts of you having JT's dancing skillZ and Enrique iglesias's silver tongue.

Life is definitely oh contrary in the morning, my feet feel like Hager the horrible, my head like Tom Cruise after a scientology meet, my tongue like I have licked a urinal with stompies in...and and and. Pharo thought it hilarious when I went to the beach for my morning surf, with no towel, no boardies, I was a freaky mess. Good times...

Nonetheless, I will be in a surf mag, fuck yeah.

WTF, heard a song with these lyrics, and I loved it - lyrics are a bit out there, but hell (Band: Peaches):

Suckin' on my titties like you wanted me,
Callin me, all the time like blondie
Check out my chrissy behind
It's fine all of the time
Like sex on the beaches,
What else is in the teaches of peaches? huh? what?

huh? right. what? uhh.

Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.
Fuck the pain away. Fuck the pain away.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

So busy today, agghh, some good news though, I have been told that I will be featured in a surf mag, Radical!

This weekend is turning into a fiasco of plans, people are making em, breaking em and re-making them.


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Its the small things that make you happy, last night, I (Pharo did it all, but "I" added the tomato) made dinner, and in the process Pharo and I got to hang out and chill, chat and laugh, we just laughed about dorky stupid shit, that’s the important thing.

Pharo has a phobia about tomato's, she can’t touch them, smell them or go near them and I put them into her salad, damn. That's a weird phobia, but according to Pharo it’s quite a common one, she says its one of the most common phobias. I will have to google/wikipedia that shit, so I guess my ambition to attend the Spanish Tomato festival is out.

With all sorted we ate the most awesome meal, dating Pharo is gonna make me FAT, shit that woman can cook like the Greek Gods of Great Cooking, Nigela can stick a spoon of choco up her snot box, cause Pharo will whip the pants off her in cooking dept. Hell Yeah!

I am in the trenches at work and pulling out all the stops to get under the skin of all the portfolio's that I have been given with absolutely no guidance. I really respect my boss, he is the best at what he does, but infuriatingly gives you work that for him is piss easy (because he has 30 years experience and knows everyone under the sun, including dead people), but doesn’t seem to tell me how to execute it, so like a good Easter egg hunt I figure that shit out, yo. Some I get right, some I get wrong, but I learn...a little too vertically at this stage, but this will all come to an end next year. I respect him, so I want to do good for him, even if I don’t want to be here...


Monday, November 10, 2008

I have been tagged by the her sexiness narrative dancing in tragedy, like me a cockroach full of left legs, turning and spinning, mouthing the words in rhythmic harmony to nothing, but loving all of it, shit sakes that’s all off the subject. DT tagged me in this “what’s in my head thing”, OK:

Word for the week in my head...
Yakuzi – for Jaccuzzi after the weekend aaannndddd STEAM, cause you can look steamy, steam someone, steamroll someone, a heap of shit can be used with steam…now that was steamy.
Thought for the week in my head...
My bond is gonna be huge and it’s stressing me out.
Thing for the week in my life...
I don’t really want to go riding this coming weekend in Dundee (where things go to DIE), but I have committed.
Song for the week in my head...
Was digging some old school Metallica on the way back from Underberg, jammed and sang along…Forgiven – classic!
Food for the week in my belly...
Spiga D’ora Mafioso, mmm
Colour for the week in my life...
white, and yellow…I dunno
Smile for the week on my face...
I had such awesome naughties this weekend, makes me smile thinking about it.
Blessing for the week in my heart…
I am able bodied and use every part of me, I just appreciate having full use of my body, I still see that paralyzed dude and give him rides to his work when I can, gives me SUCH perspective…and stoked that Pharo is super positive and has affected me, she is so freaking cool!


Sunday, November 9, 2008

What a beautiful day, in the city of Dirtbin it’s a stunnA today.

Do you have rituals when you wake up? I always worry that if I get out of bed on left side of my bed that I will have a bad day, I tried it twice and on both occasions I had horror days, absolute shiteous days. No more my friends, now I am a get-out-right-side kinda guy!

I went with Pharo and her jet set connections to Underberg for the w/end, it pissed like Noah was building an ark on the front lawn, but the crowd was a freaking blast, we created our own warmth by skulling wine by the litre!

We rented a place, if I could imagine the perfect Berg cottage with all the creature comforts but still have the charm of a cottage and user friendly enough to allow you to "put your feet on the furniture” then this is the place, it had the following:

Jacuzzi (the YaKuz)
Open plan kitchen - with lounge and fire place (big one)
Upstairs lounge
DSTV for the rugga - BUggA
Loads of fridge space for the booze, oh ya for the food too.
Two or three en suit bathrooms
Another room with bunk beds etc (Sleeps 8 comfortably)
Beautiful deck, with mind-blowing freaking views of rolling mountains

So that set the scene when I arrived, but because I am a hyperactive douchbag, I had to bring my dirtbike, I am new to this sport and its the first time that I did not have any support in this regard, but thought, hey, I am in Underberg, it would be killa to ride, cause I hate hiking.

Imagine this, I get up, get dressed in the ridiculous kit that you need to ride in, stomp through the crew, the jeered comments (in good nature) that I looked like Robo-cop (I did), get on the bike, hoping to make a memorable wheel spin, to show them what I man I am (cause only true men wheel spin), I start the bike, only to have a stuttering cough in response, I try again, same result (what do they say about stupidity, trying the same thing hoping to expect a different result...ya me, exhibit A = stupid). Everyone comes outside to see Robo-Cop, trying to figure out what’s wrong...I try push starting the bike, only to almost vomit from the exertion. Final effort was loading the bike back onto the van, getting undressed, stupid sport! I need to figure out what I did wrong...

Nevertheless we ate like kings, talked a WHOLE bunch of smack whilst a fire roared, made loads of great food, and continued to down wine and champagne in the YakuZZZ , in the rain, FREAKING AWESOME!

Sunday cleared, and we walked to Giants Castle 3 pools, jumped in ice cold pools and had such a blast. A nice chilled alcohol fueled w/end, it was very cool meeting Pharo's mates, good motivated folk.

On my house issue front, it’s the week of paying my dues, I have to pay for transfer fees etc, OWCH, this gonna hurt, major. Cost of living and loving I suppose.


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Sheeez, did you watch Obama's acceptance speech this morning, hell steath, it gave me goose bumps..."Yes we can!"

So I mentioned that I have been carting international colleagues around like an overpaid driver, well I got to go the Aquarium yesterday and a dolphin show, I mean I have never been to one, very corny, but the damn dolphins seriously are beautiful, and looked like they enjoyed themselves, not sure if I could be put through the same paces like that 3 times a day, 7 days a week. I would get a tad bored, but they have a cushy life compared to their sea brethren! On that note Japanese spider crabs and stone fish are just freaking strange!

Last night I had to attend a birthday for one of my old School buddies birthdays, he was a wild child turned good, so I had to endure dinner with a bunch of happy clappies, wasn’t bad, i just let them know from very early on, that I follow Christian beliefs but if they try and manipulate me into a biblical conversation I would not stand for it. It was interesting anyway, we discussed how liberal everyone has become, and accepting and how its so un-Politically correct to spate general opinions, e.g. "Being Gay is wrong", but in our current socio-climate, you have to say, "I am not Gay, and don’t advocate it, but if you are, good for you." I dig liberalism, and all, but I am just so tired of watching what I say, although I support that we are in good times that people can be who they want to be. SHOOO, tired of this now!

Over the w/end I saw a show on DSTV called Sunset Tan, hell is that what America is all about, if it is, the world is FUCKED! Those people have lost the plot, completely!!!!!

Back at work earning my monthly salary.



Monday, November 3, 2008

Hooking that fish.

Apologize I didn’t post yesterday, I have been waylaid by international colleagues, I have been carting around colleagues from pillar to post, drinking cappuccinos by the liter and eating by the pound!

Nevertheless, the w/end was a chilled blast, the event didn’t go as planned (winning glory and getting the moola), but was very cool nonetheless! I did chat to some bizarre old dude, who informed me about the three P's of life:

1) Piece of chicken
2) Piece of Ass
3) Piece and quite

I was quite taken back at his 'Yoda' like intellect; he is the nostrodamus of our time, the guru of life, my mentor to be. WTF!!!

After that life lesson, I bronzed my bod, surfed my tits off, chatted to Phar (who supported me from the beach). I snuck into the surfing VIP tent and ate myself a new digestive system. That was my w/end really...

Don’t you love to hate over eager people, so I am at dinner last night and we were served by Leroy, a great Zimbabwean, he was so nervous (first time being a waiter), he cocked everything up, I MEAN EVERYTHING! He poured beer, so that it was all foam, brought fish cutlery for chicken, Soup spoon for steak, rice with steak (ordered chips), but all through this the Dude just smiled and thought he was doing a fab job, he was a blast. His mate obviously hooked him up with a job at MOYO (go there its the freaking awesome - food ok, vibe cool!), its his first time being a waiter, and he has only been in SA for 7 months, you gotta give a guy trying so hard a break, I did and gave him a monster tip, told the manager that he is the best waiter here and left the manager bemused, seriously bemused.

Taking a line from the shocking Mnet movie on Sunday evening, Acts of Random Kindness can change the world. I would like to think...

US elections, now that might change the world.


Friday, October 31, 2008

I did pass go, I lost R200, picked up a black eye, but got the house!

I am shocked to the core, the ex did a bit of a Mitzvah for me, do you know what a Mitzvah is, well here it is: The term mitzvah is a Jeweish term to express any act of human kindness.

We had the arbitration about the house, and it went so smoothly, she didnt flinch that she was losing money, I was transparent, i didnt want to screw her out of anything, although she did look good though, I am sure this was a sneaky ploy on her behalf, woman are wily things.

So in essence, I am buying her out at a fair price, I have raised the dollars, and all's fair and fair. A huge relief and stress has been lifted, this whole house issue was like an unseen lead balloon weighing me down, keeping me tense and uptight, now I just need to pay the bond off as soon as I can, thats gonna take hard work, which I am looking forward too!

Looking forward toward the w/end, its the surf contest tomorrow, so taking it easy tonight, DVD's and pizza, Pharo has her old chooks birthday then hopefully she will pop around to loosen me up for tomorrow's event...mmm mmm!

Here's to the future with a roof over my kop.


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Cause and Effect

Ishikawa diagram (is this German or Japanese?), in fishbone shape, showing factors of men, machines (surfboard), milieu (workplace) - (Collegue's head), materiel (other shit that pisses you off), methods (generally anything that opens its mouth and say stupid things), measurement (I dunno...), all affecting the overall problem (ME). Smaller arrows connect the sub-causes to major causes.

The issue of cause and effect has been on mind today, I went Surfing before work this morning and whislt enjoying a good session of saltwater and chatting to mates in the water, although during the course of the session, my board hit me square in the face, like a sledghammer I was knocked down, down to china town. Like the beatdown I got from the ex, I now have another shiner. So here's my question, what did I do my board, to want to whack me in my head, although post the beating, I was in a foul mood, my head was pounding, and due to this I almost chewed the head off the random office collegue that saunters into my office every 2 seconds to "chat", FUCK that guy irritates me!

Cause - nothing to poor ol' surfboard
Effect - headache, headless collegue, grumpy me

Lets hope that today gets better...

On the other hand, I am surfing in surfing contest this weekend, looking forward to that shit, there are some pretty good competitors entering, so its going to be a challenging affair, one that I am keen to do well in! Pharo is going to come down and support, does this make us official now? MMMM dont really want to think about that, its going to well to get into the details.

Wednesdays suck - they nowhere...


Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Stimulated to the MAX

Stimulation, its something that I lacking right now, in a whole bunch of spheres in my life:

Working life
Sociol Life
Family Life

It sounds terrible, although it might be the time of year, I feel like I need a freaking break, the kind where you are NOT permitted to think, just eat, sleep and some sort of exercise (preferably in or near the sea).

I am just saying, sometimes you just get bored, bored, bored!

So in I am trying the following:

Joined a beach training programme - run/swim/run - do GI Jane like push-ups and shit on the beach, run/swim/run AGAIN - more GI Jane like crunches - run/swim/run AGAIN, AAAGGGHHHHH, I collapse at this stage, feign an excuse to the lean hunting dog bodies that I exercising with, and high tail it home! But the point is that its different. I am tryin things different...I just wish i could influence my Family life, its so messed up, what with divorve an' all, so that will be my next mission, trying to hang with the Fam stress free, if thats possible.

Work is kinda sorted (next year), have to hang tight till then...Sociolly, I just going to slow down for November, see more fliks, spend time with Pharo, exercise my body more, not my arm.

Lets see how long this lasts.


P.S. Meeting the ex on Friday morning in arbitration about the house, this is going to interesting!

Monday, October 27, 2008

How I behaved, like a drunk raving lunatic!

Friday night started with a very awkward situation, I get to pick up the Ex dropping inappropriate comments and her mate at the airport, as they needed to crash at my spot, as they were going on super dodgy cruise ship The Melody for a cruise to "nowhere", I mean who the hell would want to go on a South African rust bucket, with shitty food, crazy seas to nowhere, no destination to look forward, just rolling ship, geriatric passengers and 12 screaming girl mates. Hell not me!

I just wanted to be polite, let them stay, but to be honest I couldn’t wait to see the back of them. When you see someone that you used to be with ages ago, and then see them again, you know immediately why the relationship ended and the reasons, I could not be with her in this stage of my life, I am a completely different person. What shocked me though was how racist she was, I don’t even think that she realizes, but I was shocked! We did dinner at Spiga, went out for a few drinks and then went home exhausted, I dropped them off early the next morning, and I was really glad to drive away.

What it did do though is emphasize what a good girl Pharo is, she chatted away with the Ex, and she made a potentially fucked night, quite pleasant - what a cracker.

Saturday was all about THE GAME, we got ready, got to the stadium early, I had awesome seats, right behind the players, almost on the field. Myself and pharo swigged beer and bantered with the crowd and got shitfaced at One Stop Bar/nighclub/rugger bugger jol, was a blast. One of my mates managed to talk a hot bulls supporter chick to let us stick sharks stickers on her boobs, man that was funny, this Bulls chick flashing okes with sharks stickers on her nipples, I am super proud of that amazing skill. We didn’t have a car, I don’t even remember getting dragged of the dance floor, we hitched to Billy's and then I dunno how I ended up with half pizza in my face at Spige, but I did and it was the best pizza EVER!

Sunday morning was a day of feeling like bad case of dinglberries, I hung so HARD, so Pharo and I went to Umdloti and swam in the sea whilst the wind blew the hardest since man first walked the earth, but that kinda cleared my head for we had a long boozy lunch at Beanbag, where more and more mates feeling the same way rocked up, we got there at 11 and left at 5pm, NICE! slow drive home and then MASSIVE chill session on the couch.

I need to hang up my drinking boots, I am forcing myself to training tonight, its time to get fit...crap, I hat that word.


Friday, October 24, 2008

What I dont need tonight

I swear life doesn’t get any fucking easier!

So I forgot ages ago that one of my Varsity Ex's phoned up and asked if she could crash the night (tonight), as she is going on a cruise tomorrow. I completely forgot about it, remembering only after I get a text reminding me, and then I had to break the news to Pharo, that she will be meeting another Ex (cool one albeit), the poor little trooper, she must think that I have one in every nook and cranny.

I have been totally transparent to Pharo, explaining the situation, she has been so cool. "That's awesome that you guys are mates", "Yeah, let’s do dinner" etc.

I have invited a common mate along for dinner, so dinner tonight will be: Me, Pharo, Varsity Ex, and Big Red. Since my most recent Ex, I have become fucked out paranoid of chicks going nuts...Its going to be cool to catch up, enjoy some fine dining, I hope I don’t bump into the recent ex, and she see's all this, she will fucking PLUTZ HERSELF! HA HA, Imagine that... 1 current, 1 Ex and Me, she will shit her pants, and probably add another 50% to the amount that she wants for the house!

Good luck the Sharks, eat those Bulls Pussies!


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Its a war out there, you gotta fight it with a smile on your dial!

Valuations on my abode have been carried out, private bankers are doing their homework, and offers to the Ex are being formulated, I sincerely hope this goes down with no drama, its not necessary, but knowing the Ex, she is so keen to put in the screws on me. She sent me text messages last night that she is sending in her family friend to take back all the gifts that she gave me (1 x patio table, and other bric a brac), I mean how petty do you want to get, to be honest, I don’t give a shit, she must take all that crap, I don’t want to owe her anything. She still feels vindicated against that I have met someone new (lets not forget, so has she), because her whole life, her folks have treated her like a little princess, and she has gotten away with everything, that she feels seriously jilted that I called her bluff, moved on, and met someone else, that I am not pining away like she wants me too. FUCK THAT!

Her brother was sending me text messages saying that he is going to beat me up yadda yadda, WTF is that about, in reality I would clean the floor with that fucker!

AGGGHHH, the good life huh, and through all this, I don’t want to be brought into a slinging match, even after I have been attacked by the drunken ex, heard terrible rumors etc, I don’t want to stoop to any level, and I am not accepting all this lying down, I really don’t care, what she says and does, because the more she does the sillier she looks! I am taking steps, to acquire the house, this is the last emotional attachment she has left to manipulate me with, once it’s done, it will all be over.

The weird thing is that I am feeling quite positive about life in general! Weird huh, and these are the reasons:

1)I received a great offer for next year.
2)Pharo, is the coolest gal, and is positive and well, yeah, I am happy.
3)I have given up trying to compete against the wall's at my current job, I realize that I don’t want to be here, so I am happy to find resolve in point 1.
4)I am going to buy a Ford Ranger, the most manly car in the world, now I can transport my dirt bike and surfboard around, gawd, I will look so manly, I should buy a staffie just to complement that picture!
5)I really believe that the Sharks are going to win on Sat, but I don’t really care that much, its just good to have a town full of people, having a good time.
6)There is some good surf in town.

Yup, that’s about it... C'est la vie, thats life I suppose.


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I have been faced with some challenging scenarios of late, the Ex is forcing me to buy her out of our house, or alternatively sell the whole thing, lock stock. I have frantically been getting evaluations, chatting to my pvt banker about bonds etc, crazy. Added to these woes, I am hating, let me emphasize, HATING work at the moment. I am being asked to perform duties, and not given the tools, resources, personall or info to do the job, and then chastised in front of crowds for not knowing where/what to do, I could scream.

Nevertheless, this too shall pass - I hope!

Dbn, is in a quiver of excitement for the currie cup final, the bulls fans are starting to drink their way into town, and when that happens things get messy, very messy! Last time, some Bulls fans put a herd of bouncers into hospital, it was gnarly...

Here's looking forward to the weekend and the end of the year.


Sunday, October 19, 2008

The funniest indecisive weekend ever!

Pharo and I are hanging out on the beach, lying propped up on a grass bank that leads onto the beach, chatting, reading the paper, just enjoying the sun on our backs, I saw this mangy (but loved) dog walking with his owner, it had a gammy leg, and was limping so badly that it was half falling over, I mentally said "Shame". As it started limping down the bank following its owner, its limp started teetering further and further over, Pharo hadn’t seen the limping dog, as she was banging her gums, when momentum took over the dog plunged down the hill, bounced on a grassy knoll, and landed squarely on Pharo in mid sentence, she screamed her tits off, the dog was doing the dying cockroach dance on Pharos stomach, I couldn’t believe this was going down, the dogs owner was sprinting towards us. HELL! The owner wrenched the dog off Pharo, apologizing the whole time, informing us that the dog had a stroke and half its body was paralyzed, Pharo and I were just laughing so hard. I mean imagine chilling and this huge hairball falls from the sky and lands on you! TOO FUNNY, we giggled the whole day.

Post dog episode we had long chatty lunch at the new Beanbag Bohemia at Umdloti, sweet melons, it has the best, food I have ever tasted, we had an enchanting meal, when one of the Ex's dick mates walked in and gave me the big hairy, I mean, what the hell does a guys want to give another guy the big hairy eyeball for, isnt that reserved for the domain of bitchy woman. It bothered me slightly, but not for long, I was just pissed that he dented the bubble of such a fun, tastey lunch.

Would you believe that I ended up at a strip club on Saturday night with 4 girls; girls are a nightmare in a strip club. I mean, you are there to appreciate the erotic beauty of woman, these mad ass chicks, were like crazed monkeys trying to dance with them, then getting all manic guilty for being there and then trying to empathize with the strippers plight, by asking what got them there, why do they dance (Ummmm to make a ship load of cash!), then came the question, "who does your poen waxing, its beautiful", the strippers and chicks got into a discussion of poen waxing, I have realized that strip joints are for men, and woman (bless em) need to stay away, we need to keep the respectability of strip joints! What a laugh though, the girls who were so shy to enter, then got thrown out for being to wild, crazy!

Indecisive, crazy woman, dogs from the sky, hairy eyeballs, I experienced the works this weekend....


Thursday, October 16, 2008

Even though its monsoon season in Dirtbin and my washing is piling up like a whores handbag, it still so cool to fall asleep to rain falling, but ahem, ahem, enough is fucking enough, let the sun come out and the bikini clad bod's grace our fine East Coast biatch's, sorry I mean beaches.

what does sun mean, it means braai's and all the fun that ensues whilst getting sunburnt cooking cows, mmm mmmm

Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking that a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the Braai the following chain of events are put into motion:

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the braai - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

More routine....
(5) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

More routine....
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, serviettes,sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISESthe MANand THANKS HIMfor his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....

Just a reminder...havea cool w/end!

A dialogue that I have been having with some friends, check out this smacK:

A couple of issues have come to light with a common root. This Luke Watson thing is has really gotten under my skin. Not because he’s a dick, but in the way he’s responded. And it brings to light a typically South African trait, and that is that there is zero accountability for anyone’s actions:

Case in point – Luke Watson…

He said some inflammatory and racist statements, which were then reported in the national papers.

(For those who don’t know said SA rugby was run by Dutchmen, and he wanted to puke on the Springbok Jearsey.)

No apology given, instead he blames “certain powers” of using the statement for their own gain. (Gotta love “certain powers”. Those certain powers really seem to be active when ever anyone does something wrong…)

The problem is not that he said it. (Well actually it is, but that’s another whole point)

The problem is that he doesn’t apologize nor retract his statement (Take accountability) but rather say that his comments were released with the intention of discrediting him. (Obviously idiot, that was the point). Rather than deny what was said, say that it its being reported by people with nefarious intent, which somehow makes it not as bad… ????

Then treaten threaten legal action against those who leaked it to the press. (Standard response in SA. A little FYI regarding suing the media - Last count JZ was in legal proceedings with multiple newspapers and reporters in SA, with a total of R100,000,000 being claimed in total. (Including R2,000,000 + R3,000,000 against Bullard, but excluding Thabo who though he said he’d sue, he never did… yet))

It shows a distinct lack of responsibility and the most important element missing in SA – Accountability.

Nobody in SA is accountable for any action. If you don’t do your job, can’t get fired. Say something slanderous, you were misquoted.

You drive drunk and get caught – have to be found guilty in court, and then appeal the decision till 2011, by which time its all over.

Minister corruptly get her drivers license (FRAUD) – then gets promoted in Government.

Guilty of corruption – do not deny that you guilty, but that they found out about the corruption illegally which was against your constitutional right to a fair trial. (Why doesn you trial have to be fair if you are guilty.

Try to influence the highest court of the land – Sue them for saying so. (Judge Hlope is asking R10 Million by accusing our highest Judges of slander)

No accountability. Nobody resigns because you cannot fire anyone. Suspension with full pay. (That’s the best). Or if it goes to court the government pays your legal bills (Read JZ, McBride, Jackie Selebi, Thabo, Winnie), so obviously you get the best legal team in the world. (ex Judge Heath (of famous Heath Commission probing the arms deal) is part of the legal council that is defending JZ)

And Luke is no different. Say something racist (Dutchmen) and suddenly anyone who says so, misquoted you? How do you misquote that? Any context is bad. (Remember the guy who used the “k” word in a press conference and said it was taken out of context, (HOW I’M NOT SURE))

Maybe they should put Luke and Bakkies in a room to discuss the issue. Bakkies is not big on negotiation, and I think Lukes ass will not be big on Bakkies. (Or maybe it will be in the end)


As Leo DiCaprio states on the silver screen, “T.I.A, this is Africa”, and the actions of us Africans (Watson is also black – didn’t you know – as he was selected in the SA side as a “Quota” Player) will always be the same, no matter how much they don’t make sense. We just have to look at history to see that nothing has changed since the days of Shaka:

Shaka, (like the current incumbent SA PreZ JZ) held sway over a large portion of Southern Africa. Noted as brilliant leader (still to be seen by JZ), who still continues to cast a long shadow (showerhead) over how he governed raped, stole and murdered his people during his tenure as king (ANC President). He has been credited with the initial development of the “Buffalo Horns” (Ass raping of Mbeki) fighting formation, of which we can see plenty in our current political landscape:

The “Horns” is made up of the younger, less experienced, but quicker moving troops – Malema and his outlandish, inflammatory racist statements

The “Chest” is the central or mail force which charges into the enemy and delivers the coup de grace – JZ the bullish fraudulent oaf that swoops in to lop the head and balls off Mbeki

The “Loins” are the reserves used to exploit/reinforce where needed (often older vet’s) – The rest of gravy train, wanting to lick the balls of JZ to siphon as much dough for themselves.

Even though this is way of the topic of that ball-bag Watson, it is all political, and in Africa we have to submit to the African way, Africa has never been a civil place, case in point was big beefcake zulu dancers seen at an African themed resturant that were forced to wear homo ballet dresses for a traditional Zulu dance, freaked me out a tad – eat or be eaten. TIA as Leo would say!


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Investment analyst and entrepreneur Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the Following:

''The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer it will go to India. If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany. If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy. The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US. I've been doing my part.'

How apt was that! Nothing really to report on, just a normal week, althoug I went car shopping and thinking of buying the manly Ford Ranger. Hell Yeah!


Monday, October 13, 2008

Highs, lows, flatlines and long lines, it all happened this weekend! Crikey...

So Friday night I joined Pharo, for one of her connections birthdays (The P), The P organized a hellava piss up at Moyo, a great Africa themed restaurant at Ushaka. We ate paka Zulu food, whilst quaffing away like maniacs at beer fest, much to the hallAballoo of our neighboring tables. The P, also paid for the entire thing, and it was his party, a good guy!

Side Story: At Moyo, a girl sitting opposite me was cold, they offer blankets at the restaurant due to its proximity to the sea, (it gets fucken cold), there was a pile of blankets next to me, so I pick one up and give it to the girl, like the gentleman that I am. Next thing I have a Jackie Chan look-alike giving me a the dubbed Chinese English beratement....I figured out, through the dubbing, that his kid was sleeping under the MOUND of blankets, and he wanted his blanket for the top of his mound of fucking blank'ies. I politely apologized and said, I thought it was JUST a pile of blankets, and I did not know that a kid was beneath it, god forbid, if one of our drunk rabble would have dived on this fluffy pile and squashed Jackie's kid....I stretched and gave him a spare blankie for his kid, he was not amused. I saw his point, he did not see my point, we agreed to disagree, but he is a wanker!

We continued on and ended up at Cubana, drinking till the cows came home, and then we ate them, cause I was fuck off hungry after all that drinking!

Saturday morning I was enjoying a peaceful sleep when I was rudely awoken to my mate waking me to go riding motorbikes (I had promised)...Shitballs it was the last thing that I felt like doing, but my word is like oak (I wish it wasn’t), I endured the morning riding, falling, eating dirt and hating life! After which I had to rush home, change and hit the rugby, where I watched the Sharks walk into the Currie Cup Finals! HELL YEAH, I got the hair of the dog off my back and swilled more beer, and was stoked not to be riding, cause even though I love it, it was crap on Saturday! The mates and I hit Rovers after to watch the Bulls game and were met by a throng of hormone induced teens spading their tits off at the sports club, whilst we were trying to watch the game. GAWD, I am so glad to be comfortable in my own skin, with my own opinions, cause those teens did not know I freakin' thing about life, except how to Pop a collar, try and drink and get laid.

I met Pharo for a cool relaxed dinner after at Panzeta, a nice gourmet pizza joint, had a relaxing chinwag about teenagers and their lack of knowledge of anything, and what the fuck is on with popped collars, its so dumb!

After that blackness, I slept so hard, I think my heart stopped. I flatlined...

On Sunday, I chilled at Suncoast beach, I didn’t want to do anything more than lie in the sun and read the paper, that’s when it happened, I saw the ex, with her new beau. I am stoked for her, and I hope she is happy; I don’t want to get back together with her. But after our last meeting where she punched me, I am nervous to approach her due to the scene she caused. So now that she is with a new guy, I hope that she can move on, and hoping that we can one day be able to chat.

So that was my weekend, Pharo is the coolest girl out, and I think things are developing, but slowly does it...


Thursday, October 9, 2008

How sushi should be eaten, how fucken sexist is this! How cool too!

Blah, blah, blah, why do we all continually complain about work... I will tell you why, because we not doing what we should be doing! Well, I am hating shit right now, I hate being an idle hand, not using my full potential, and that’s the space that I am in right now. Although the end is in sight, I need to finalize action, thoughts and get onto a path to job satisfaction and wealth, cause lets be honest besides sleeping, you spend the most time at graft, so would make sense to do something you enjoy.

I believe that kids (or me) were not warned enough about seriously choosing the correct career path for my personality. I believe that I have gone about it the best to my ability and cant believe that I earn "this much" money for doing "really" nothing. The thing is that some people might be happy carrying on with this, I get to sit in a cool office, with cool (backstabbing bitches) people, be involved in awesome events, the perceptions are amazing. I have people saying to me "I wish I had your job, it must insane" (bollocks). Although it has been a journey, I need to take another path, I need to get off this one. I think I have found the solution, although its risky, could be amazing, could open up doors that I would not have stepped through earlier, all because I think I am seeing things clearly now. My fingers are crossed for the future, can you hope for anything more?


Anyways, we had the freaking best thunderstorm in ol' dirtbin yesterday arvo, thunder, the works, and I was surfing, the waves were super fun, and the rain was belting down. Makes you feel alive, makes you want to scream out loud, I almost did, but it was quite crowded and I didn’t want peeps to think I was drowning or something...

After cruising back home, myself and Pharo went to a sushi making class, gawd I was hungry and Shaun the sushi guy was babbling on about the origins of Sushi (it started in China, and not Japan - HUH!), and all I wanted to do was chew off the fuckers face I was so rav, I almost did, until Shaun gave me a cucumber to chop, I chopped shit, I ate that bad boy (or some and chopped some). Pharo and I, sushi'd ourselves to death, making and eating. Was fun, except for the sexual references Shaun'o was delivering like a AK47, which had all the woman (I was only one of two men there) in stacks of giggles, whenever Shaun said, "now keep it wet" and "dip it in and out", half the woman, NO ALL the woman there needed to get laid super bad!

At least its Friday, no one has given me my 10 000 000 dollars, but hey, I am holding out...


Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The school themed piss up, some of the good time peeps that I beat down with my fake balls...

I have been lazy again, this I admit, although I have been concentrating on me, letting go of the crap, and I think with the help of Pharo the perpetual fog might be lifting.

About 3 weeks ago I met Pharo, a vivacious monster that has lifted me from a sadness that I didn’t know I was walking around with. I have always been a naughty happy fucker, although in the last 2 years, I slipped into a slump and didn’t even know it. Now that I see I have been a dreadful bore, and need to get back to ME, I can work on this and Pharo has been a huge help. Also great fun hanging out with Pharo...

Over the weekend (and its almost the new one??), I went to a school theme dress up party, this is a fact, its been proven by science, chicks look so fucking hot in school uniforms, it might be the catholic school girl fantasy, it might be titillating pedophilic (in a good way), it might be the reminiscence of your first bungled sexual exploits. I dunno its just super hot seeing 20something girls running around in short skirts, pony tails and school blazers. I did a whole lotta dancing in kortbroek rugby shorts, with my fake nuts hanging out the side, now that was sexy, hell I had all these pubescent old schoolbiatch's trying to fondle em - it was great!! AAGGHH the good old' days, where smooching and boob fondling was all the rage!

So remember that cripple guy that made me realize to suck it up and get over myself, well I have been lifting him to work, and he is a bank teller at Std Bank, and a hellave good guy, clever as shit and I don’t think he should just be a teller. I have a stutter, so we kinda have an understanding what its like to have disability. His is far greater, and I admire that so much. It feels good to help this guy, not that he needs my help, he is quite capable, but it’s nice to help anyway.

On the body front, I woke up last night with shooting pains down my back, I almost couldn’t drive it was so painful. I was swearing all the way to work like a freakin' trooper, cause every time I moved my head, pain would blind my eyeballs! I went to the chiro, and the mac daddy told me all my ribs were out of whack, and the guy judo chopped my back right back into whack, ta doc, but that was FUCKING painful dipshit!

So keen for the weekend, so keen to hang on the beach, so keen to be given 10 000 0000 dollars so that I can do fuck all for the rest of my life. Who knows might happen...


Thursday, October 2, 2008

Another unbelievable dinner last night, who thought that WTD could make beans taste so good, and the fun releasing them from your bowels...had a cool chat to WTD and was not too impressed with her new BF ordering her around the kitchen, telling her he wants this and he wants that, but she seems to be all loved up and stoked. So let’s not rock that boat.

This morning when driving to work, I saw a cripple dude, crutching his way to work; I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. The guys had the hugest smile on his face, and said; "Nah, its cool, I am almost there". WOW, the guy just crutched to work and he is freaking happy as a pig in shit, perspective, that gave me a heap.

I need to get over my ridiculous, Poor Sunrise, I have it so damn hard, and get on with my fucking life of enjoying my mates, making moola and enjoying making it.

So good to be woken up from dead mans sleep, by a smiling dude crutching his way to work!


P.S. Thanks DT, ha ha look at me no hands!!!!!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Its been a week or so since the incident and the coast seems clear, although I fear a flare up.

On the other hand, its amazing how good food makes me so damn happy, last night I said screw the poor, and went to Woolies and bought the ingredients for the best steak dinner in the world. I am still salivating at my prowess in creating a meal not even the best resturant could better.

Mid week blues are setting in, I need more sleep and I am off to "Walk the Dog's" (WTD) house for another home made dinner tonight, just to talk some poo with WTD will be cool, love that biatch, she tells it like it is, we have similar issues so can blab about them and not feel bad about boring each other.

Summer is coming, mmm mmm mmm


Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I have nothing massive to yell about, only the following arbness:

1) A girl told me she Loved me, I freaked the fuck out, I dont need any more NUTS, had enough thank you!

2) I might have had an offer I cant refuse, maybe...

3) I had the most amazing sex dream last night, fuksakes, I didnt want to wake up! MMM maybe I should do the "I love you" girl? You know let her know that its a transaction (not pay her), just let her know that if she loves me that much, would she mind if I take her for a spin, a test drive. Ha ha, nah never...

It bothers me to a small extent that everyone at work asks on a Monday or Tuesday what your plans are for the weekend, when I dont even remember what I have just done over my last weekend, let alone plans. Shits and Giggles, I have no freaking idea.

The biatch of Bitches is back at work, after taking 2 weeks off for her Best Connection's wedding, who the freak has a wedding for 2 weeks (probably involed in a cult). But the best thing is that her tooth fell out during the ceremony, holy pooballs, I would have paid serious money to see that shit go down...Goffels paradise ekse!


Monday, September 29, 2008

Another pic from the same huge session I spoke about last week, from another angle, and another photographer. Cool huh!

Huge weekend, huge! I feel like dismembered muti victim, my liver has been soaked in the hard tack, owch! Friday night myself and a troop of mates went to check out a new club in Durbs, Clapham Grand.

One thing that makes us Durbanites stand apart from the rest of the world is that we are such lemmings, one chappy pretty much owns all the night spots in Durbs, and he uses tried and tested formula for packin' em in and, getting them hammered and kicking them out the door to get some new livers to fuck up through the door. HAH, I didn’t fall for it, by the age of 30; I have mastered the art of seeing through the veneer of marketing bollocks. The queue for the new joint was 200m long, moving as fast as the police to break in (about 0.00003km per hour). Although the site of so many boobs wrapped in next to damn nothing, kept me waiting for longer than I should have, eventually I had the shits and went back to Billy the Bums, the usual haunt to get buggered up on great conversation, asphyxiating crowds and more tightly wrapped up boobs. I only found out the next day that half the crowd I was hanging with was high as bloody bats on coke. Snort away fuckers, but I had the best time with nothing but a headful of Jack Daniels, coke might have been cheaper in the long run, but I don’t condone that shit!

Saturday was surfing in the morning and getting dolled up for a mates 30th, thank goodness he is a mature 30 year old, so we had a great braai with soda (too scared to say coke), couple of beers and once again some good laughs. I also saw my old school mate Trav and his beautiful wife; he is the happiest sod out. He knocked up his then girlfriend in the early 2002, married her under major threats from her Afrikaans family, she stood by him, and 2 kids later, 1 more on the way, and working night and day to provide they are the happiest people I know. Go that was super, gave me something to hope for. I then went home and watched the worst DVD in the world "Meet the spartans" must have been made in an alternate universe where only vegetative state minds live, oh wait, that’s all the kids of middle America! What shit!!!!

Sunday, shitballs Sunday, surfed and then played a hilarious day of 80's drinking tennis, where I got so shitfaced whilst swing a cat gut racket around, and funny I am only remembering this now, but a girl playing lost her top whilst executing a perfect forehand, hell steath, its a record weekend for boobs! Hooray! We all congregated at the posh Umhlanga Rocks bar (Elements) for the wrap up and lucky draw in our 80's lumo tennis garb, to I shit you not, Brad Pitt sitting at the bar...I thought it was a joke, but pukka as nuts it was the dude! Huh, he must be here adopting kids or something humanitarian.

Today is Monday and congrats to DT( who got a new job, check out her words of joy! ( I still cant do that link thing in a word, I dunno, just dunno)


Friday, September 26, 2008

Me surfing that big day in, got this today from a random oke.

Thank FUCK its Friday, shit balls, today has crawled like queing for a new ID book in sweltering dirtbin heat. Gawd I am over my job, mindless, passionless and cheap. Time to start making the big bucks, so my thinking of thinking of leaving, has turned to when and how to leave. Lets see what comes of this, I am thinking of starting my own thing, its the only way to make serious money, and have freedom of choice. Yes, yes, gulp.

My ex has totally freaked me the fuck out, since THE INCIDENT, I dont want to be in a social setting for fear of total fucking meltdown, crabsticks, she has gone dilly as crack addict in a downtown bar with no needles!

At least its the weekend, at least, phew.


Thursday, September 25, 2008

What a weird, freaking crazy public holiday, I have to say that I am shell shocked to the core...

Firstly my roommate is turning into a woman, he chides me not spending time with him and not going to the pub drinking, I don’t want to get pissed in a pub, I want to enjoy my day’s hangover free. I enjoy a good piss up now and again, but hitting a resturant/braai/poker/any other socially chilled thingy mabobee with a bunch mates is more my vibe, period. Hitting clubs, shaking ass, shooting jager bombs, hand grenades and tequila's are rad every now and again, not every Friday and Sat. Although my roomies, wants me walk into a club/pub, chat to me, until he starts rubbing up a sweet young thing, which is fine with me, he must just start doing it on his own. Most times I end up having a thrash, meeting new peeps, seeing old mates or just chatting to randoms, BUT I just hate hanging like dogs nuts the next day, when I want to do shit. And ol' Red (roomie) takes this personally and sulks, that I am not hanging with him, he now has a vagina, and is on the rag (with me)...

On Tuesday night the ex GF did something so horrific, so Jerry Springer, it was actually seriously insane. I hope realizes what she actually did in her drunken stupor, that she calms down and gets out of my life.

On the other hand, I had a super day on Wednesday, surfing, lunching and riding with mates, it was radical. Freak I dig little sneaky public holidays, makes you appreciate time, friends, little things, food and change. Back to the slog now, tippity tap tippity tab on the computer! BLAH


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The stupid shit I do, this what i went out in this morning...

Its kinda like a Friday today, not much work is going to get done today (that’s just reality), what is not reality is work, work plonkers want the world but are not willing to come to the party with the moola. FerFukSakes, no wonder their is so much corruption in SA, people just wants want is due...OK ok, not like R400 million, that some overachievers embezzle. Rant rant, tomorrow is a public holiday, stoked!!

Ex-GF is still emotionally guilting me, its actually getting out of hand, how did I not see this side of her personality whilst all loved up, she just hounds me, SMS'ing about her day, how she feels, asking who I am with, have I been with anybody...etc etc, its been 4 months that we have been over, crumbs I understand emotion, that woman are from Mars, but is Mars THAT much different to the men on Venus (or is it the other way round). Hell I want to get on with my life and shit...

This morning I went for a surf, get rid of the work and ex frustrations and the surf was but pumping, 6ft+ (that’s like double overhead a normal person), heavy and exciting. I got my fix of perspective, cause when you dropping into a dredging monster wave, getting sucked under and almost drowning (this is what happened), you kinda don’t mind life when you make it to shore...

I think it was life reminding me that I don’t have shit too bad, perspective we all need it.

Have a super Day Off, its national braai day and Heritage day in one, hit it hard!


Monday, September 22, 2008

Monday morning, what a pile of ass...I had a jaunt in CT this weekend to look see, hang out with some old mates. What chilled time, we hung out at resturants, chilled on the beach at "Duds", I bumped into a surfing buddy, he had an extra board, had a surf in boardies....FUUUUCK IT, that was a stupid idea, it was freaking cold. BRRR, I had to warm my jangoolies over an open flame to make the guy come out of his hole, I was a tranny for a sec, damn that was scary!

I saw the movie "Taken", shit sakes, a hectic ass movie, there was no hype, so I didnt really expect anything. Well I was knocked outta my seat, damn good, go and see it!

CT the Euro South Africa, where some guys get more dolled up than the girls, the girls have enough attitude to win a World Cup, and the drinks so expensive it makes you cringe every time you pee it all out!


Friday, September 19, 2008

I was told to write 5 things about South Africa that I love, I dont think its what you want to hear though:

1) When i was in Australie for an extended stay, the thing that drove me MAD was the homogenous culture an thinking of the masses, I love our originality, the patchwork of cultures and all the craziness the ensues when they clash or get mixed, good, bad and ugly moments of cultures clashing has made this country what it is. Will Zuma, be the good, the bad or the ugly?

2)Lifestyle, gawd, I have it great in Dirtbin, I wake up at 5:30, head down to the beach, surf it up for an hour, have some breakfast & coffee, whilst chatting to mates and then off to work, where else in the world can you do this?

3)Corny as a Ouma Rusk, but I dig the Sharks (rugby), its so cool to hang out pre & after the game tailgating on the outside fields of Kingspark stadium, getting sot faced and shooting the breeze with your mates, awesome!

4)Roots, my family have grown up in KZN, farmed the land, for four generations, you cant beat that. There is so much history, I really dont feel like being forced to live somewhere else.

5)SA woman, you are classy, elegent and beautiful, not scared to get a little dirty, we share common accents, you understand South Africanism's, are. I would like to marry a SAFFA Lass and be very happy chappy one day.

Well, enough of that, i have had a shit week at work, and I am not sure that I want to be in the position that I am. Thus I am off to CT for an exciting little weekend, who know's.

Have a cracker w/end, DT you porno fluffy feet chocoholic have a smashing one!!


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Fucking great time away, i was in reunion island checking out retail stores, helping our distributoe set up his business, we worked crazy hard, but got to eat and surf the crap out of the place. Couldnt speak a word of French but I got by, hung out with the local flyers, got shit faced on EXPENSIVE red wine, had a girl flash her titties at me, most importantly indulged in some of the most beautiful scenery ever!

Then flew to Mauritius to do much of the same, sort out our conterfeit problem there, but once surfed my boobs and arms off, gawd, it was good. Wish, I could still be there, but alas all good must end to make you appreciate...damn freaking shite face!

check out some of these pics, makes you want to become a hippy and eat coconuts and shit!


Thursday, September 4, 2008

Check out this Crazy Ass Mac Daddy that I saw at the EA Rockfest in Jozi on Saturday night, I mean WTF makes people do this, he must have been on one hella LSD flashback, Y Fronts n' all!

Have a cool day.


Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Remember the song: Sunscreen by Baz Luhrman, my old man played it for me ages ago, I heard it again today, shit its poignant! Read the words if you cant listen to it, good advice for any generation!

P.S. FUCK I want to strangle one of my collegues, thsi bitch on wheels thinks she is God or Godlike...time to ignore and think of her falling into a pit of sharp stakes and snakes, yes...that will make smile.

Baz Luhrman - Sunscreen Speech

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ?9...Wear sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years youll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you cant grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...Youre not as fat as you imagine.

Dont worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you


Dont be reckless with other peoples hearts, dont put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Dont waste your time on jealousy; sometimes youre ahead, sometimes youre behind...the race is long, and in the end its only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.


Dont feel guilty if you dont know what to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didnt know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still dont.

Get plenty of calcium

Be kind to your knees, youll miss them when theyre gone.

Maybe youll marry, maybe you wont, maybe youll have children, maybe you wont, maybe youll divorce at 40, maybe youll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary...what ever you do, dont congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your choices are half chance, so are everybody elses.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can...dont be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, its the greatest instrument youll ever own.

Dance...even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you dont follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

49 second break in speech -- Quindon singing

Get to know your parents, youll never know when theyll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.


Accept certain inalienable truths, price will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do youll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Dont expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Dont mess too much with your hair, or by the time its 40, it will look 85.

Be careful who advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen...
Sorry for the lack of posting lately, I have been away for weeks and now on Friday I have to go to Mauritius and Reunion for a tortuous 2 weeks of work :)

I have been so down about where I am going, I am not enjoying my colleagues at work, they all seem so superficial and the backstabbing type, one person in particular is such a bitch, arrogant and evasive and makes everything so difficult, I have tried to get along, but something tells me that she actually enjoys making life difficult, she gets off on it. To be honest it has drained me, I have tried not to care, but I just don’t want to work with people like this. I am thinking of thinking about leaving.

The whole ex episode has really also beaten me down, I was in CT about a week or so ago, and had a whoppa of a night with clients etc; I wake up to 10 messages on my phone. Crap balls I think someone/something bad has happened, I grab the phone listen to the messaged to hear garbled/crying noises on all, I decipher what is kind off going on: My ex is accusing me (through tears) that I didn’t defend her honor at a braai, someone talked bad about her and I didn’t say anything to that person. I didn’t even hear her name brought up the entire braai, let alone have a chance to defend her good name.

I put the phone down, with a bemused expression on my face, to find that the phone is ringing again (unknown number), I pick up, expecting a work call, its a lawyer, wanting to instruct me that my ex had opened up a case of defermation of character, for not defending her at the braai, WTF!!!!! I was on the phone for 30min to the lawyer, who I enlightened that this is a joke of a case, she agreed in the end. WTF, WTF WTF!!! Can I say that enough... the craziness of how my ex is reacting confirms that we should be over. This whole thing has numbed me!

I am stressed to the hilt! I was at my Mom's last night, I had to stay there as she is off to Spain for a vac (luck you MUM), and she complained about my Dad and his Floozie, and money, and life...I actually had to stop her and ask to not carry on as my brain could not take/contain any more problems or worries, I used to be the most happy go lucky guy, that part of me feels like its slipping away.

I need to get it back, I need me back, I need to laugh more, I need a break...


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I know now that drinking has a massive effect on me, for days afterwards I feel like a perpetual cloud hangs over me. When I don’t drink, I have huge pep, zest and go around feeling all happy go lucky. When I tear it up, I am shattered for days; I think its time to moderate that shizness...

I am a massive binge drinker, I don’t socially drink, but when the boys hang it out, I go large. This is no way to do it, responsible and balance is the order of the day! Hell the booze is not a problem, and its not that I drink a lot, I just over do it when I do, and feel poo after for days. Just to clarify I am not a bad boozed up chappy, I get very sociable and dance like an 80's has been, but def not sloppy. I just want to feel good, and be a happy chappy...

That being said, cheese and rice, I have been copping a thick ear from my ex, due to our romantic interlude (graveyard), it brought up old feelings, and even though it was comforting and awesome to hang, I don’t see us getting back together, thus must stay far away, and let us get some distance, before hopefully becoming friends.

We (me) all try and find balances in our life, it’s hard, but I am trying.