Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I have nothing massive to yell about, only the following arbness:

1) A girl told me she Loved me, I freaked the fuck out, I dont need any more NUTS, had enough thank you!

2) I might have had an offer I cant refuse, maybe...

3) I had the most amazing sex dream last night, fuksakes, I didnt want to wake up! MMM maybe I should do the "I love you" girl? You know let her know that its a transaction (not pay her), just let her know that if she loves me that much, would she mind if I take her for a spin, a test drive. Ha ha, nah never...

It bothers me to a small extent that everyone at work asks on a Monday or Tuesday what your plans are for the weekend, when I dont even remember what I have just done over my last weekend, let alone plans. Shits and Giggles, I have no freaking idea.

The biatch of Bitches is back at work, after taking 2 weeks off for her Best Connection's wedding, who the freak has a wedding for 2 weeks (probably involed in a cult). But the best thing is that her tooth fell out during the ceremony, holy pooballs, I would have paid serious money to see that shit go down...Goffels paradise ekse!


Monday, September 29, 2008

Another pic from the same huge session I spoke about last week, from another angle, and another photographer. Cool huh!

Huge weekend, huge! I feel like dismembered muti victim, my liver has been soaked in the hard tack, owch! Friday night myself and a troop of mates went to check out a new club in Durbs, Clapham Grand.

One thing that makes us Durbanites stand apart from the rest of the world is that we are such lemmings, one chappy pretty much owns all the night spots in Durbs, and he uses tried and tested formula for packin' em in and, getting them hammered and kicking them out the door to get some new livers to fuck up through the door. HAH, I didn’t fall for it, by the age of 30; I have mastered the art of seeing through the veneer of marketing bollocks. The queue for the new joint was 200m long, moving as fast as the police to break in (about 0.00003km per hour). Although the site of so many boobs wrapped in next to damn nothing, kept me waiting for longer than I should have, eventually I had the shits and went back to Billy the Bums, the usual haunt to get buggered up on great conversation, asphyxiating crowds and more tightly wrapped up boobs. I only found out the next day that half the crowd I was hanging with was high as bloody bats on coke. Snort away fuckers, but I had the best time with nothing but a headful of Jack Daniels, coke might have been cheaper in the long run, but I don’t condone that shit!

Saturday was surfing in the morning and getting dolled up for a mates 30th, thank goodness he is a mature 30 year old, so we had a great braai with soda (too scared to say coke), couple of beers and once again some good laughs. I also saw my old school mate Trav and his beautiful wife; he is the happiest sod out. He knocked up his then girlfriend in the early 2002, married her under major threats from her Afrikaans family, she stood by him, and 2 kids later, 1 more on the way, and working night and day to provide they are the happiest people I know. Go figure...so that was super, gave me something to hope for. I then went home and watched the worst DVD in the world "Meet the spartans" must have been made in an alternate universe where only vegetative state minds live, oh wait, that’s all the kids of middle America! What shit!!!!

Sunday, shitballs Sunday, surfed and then played a hilarious day of 80's drinking tennis, where I got so shitfaced whilst swing a cat gut racket around, and funny I am only remembering this now, but a girl playing lost her top whilst executing a perfect forehand, hell steath, its a record weekend for boobs! Hooray! We all congregated at the posh Umhlanga Rocks bar (Elements) for the wrap up and lucky draw in our 80's lumo tennis garb, to I shit you not, Brad Pitt sitting at the bar...I thought it was a joke, but pukka as nuts it was the dude! Huh, he must be here adopting kids or something humanitarian.

Today is Monday and congrats to DT(http://www.dancefloortragedy.blogspot.com/) who got a new job, check out her words of joy! ( I still cant do that link thing in a word, I dunno, just dunno)


Friday, September 26, 2008

Me surfing that big day in Dirtbin...cool, got this today from a random oke.

Thank FUCK its Friday, shit balls, today has crawled like queing for a new ID book in sweltering dirtbin heat. Gawd I am over my job, mindless, passionless and cheap. Time to start making the big bucks, so my thinking of thinking of leaving, has turned to when and how to leave. Lets see what comes of this, I am thinking of starting my own thing, its the only way to make serious money, and have freedom of choice. Yes, yes, gulp.

My ex has totally freaked me the fuck out, since THE INCIDENT, I dont want to be in a social setting for fear of total fucking meltdown, crabsticks, she has gone dilly as crack addict in a downtown bar with no needles!

At least its the weekend, at least, phew.


Thursday, September 25, 2008

What a weird, freaking crazy public holiday, I have to say that I am shell shocked to the core...

Firstly my roommate is turning into a woman, he chides me not spending time with him and not going to the pub drinking, I don’t want to get pissed in a pub, I want to enjoy my day’s hangover free. I enjoy a good piss up now and again, but hitting a resturant/braai/poker/any other socially chilled thingy mabobee with a bunch mates is more my vibe, period. Hitting clubs, shaking ass, shooting jager bombs, hand grenades and tequila's are rad every now and again, not every Friday and Sat. Although my roomies, wants me walk into a club/pub, chat to me, until he starts rubbing up a sweet young thing, which is fine with me, he must just start doing it on his own. Most times I end up having a thrash, meeting new peeps, seeing old mates or just chatting to randoms, BUT I just hate hanging like dogs nuts the next day, when I want to do shit. And ol' Red (roomie) takes this personally and sulks, that I am not hanging with him, he now has a vagina, and is on the rag (with me)...

On Tuesday night the ex GF did something so horrific, so Jerry Springer, it was actually seriously insane. I hope realizes what she actually did in her drunken stupor, that she calms down and gets out of my life.

On the other hand, I had a super day on Wednesday, surfing, lunching and riding with mates, it was radical. Freak I dig little sneaky public holidays, makes you appreciate time, friends, little things, food and change. Back to the slog now, tippity tap tippity tab on the computer! BLAH


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The stupid shit I do, this what i went out in this morning...

Its kinda like a Friday today, not much work is going to get done today (that’s just reality), what is not reality is work, work plonkers want the world but are not willing to come to the party with the moola. FerFukSakes, no wonder their is so much corruption in SA, people just wants want is due...OK ok, not like R400 million, that some overachievers embezzle. Rant rant, tomorrow is a public holiday, stoked!!

Ex-GF is still emotionally guilting me, its actually getting out of hand, how did I not see this side of her personality whilst all loved up, she just hounds me, SMS'ing about her day, how she feels, asking who I am with, have I been with anybody...etc etc, its been 4 months that we have been over, crumbs I understand emotion, that woman are from Mars, but is Mars THAT much different to the men on Venus (or is it the other way round). Hell I want to get on with my life and shit...

This morning I went for a surf, get rid of the work and ex frustrations and the surf was but pumping, 6ft+ (that’s like double overhead a normal person), heavy and exciting. I got my fix of perspective, cause when you dropping into a dredging monster wave, getting sucked under and almost drowning (this is what happened), you kinda don’t mind life when you make it to shore...

I think it was life reminding me that I don’t have shit too bad, perspective we all need it.

Have a super Day Off, its national braai day and Heritage day in one, hit it hard!


Monday, September 22, 2008

Monday morning, what a pile of ass...I had a jaunt in CT this weekend to look see, hang out with some old mates. What chilled time, we hung out at resturants, chilled on the beach at "Duds", I bumped into a surfing buddy, he had an extra board, had a surf in boardies....FUUUUCK IT, that was a stupid idea, it was freaking cold. BRRR, I had to warm my jangoolies over an open flame to make the guy come out of his hole, I was a tranny for a sec, damn that was scary!

I saw the movie "Taken", shit sakes, a hectic ass movie, there was no hype, so I didnt really expect anything. Well I was knocked outta my seat, damn good, go and see it!

CT the Euro South Africa, where some guys get more dolled up than the girls, the girls have enough attitude to win a World Cup, and the drinks so expensive it makes you cringe every time you pee it all out!


Friday, September 19, 2008

I was told to write 5 things about South Africa that I love, I dont think its what you want to hear though:

1) When i was in Australie for an extended stay, the thing that drove me MAD was the homogenous culture an thinking of the masses, I love our originality, the patchwork of cultures and all the craziness the ensues when they clash or get mixed, good, bad and ugly moments of cultures clashing has made this country what it is. Will Zuma, be the good, the bad or the ugly?

2)Lifestyle, gawd, I have it great in Dirtbin, I wake up at 5:30, head down to the beach, surf it up for an hour, have some breakfast & coffee, whilst chatting to mates and then off to work, where else in the world can you do this?

3)Corny as a Ouma Rusk, but I dig the Sharks (rugby), its so cool to hang out pre & after the game tailgating on the outside fields of Kingspark stadium, getting sot faced and shooting the breeze with your mates, awesome!

4)Roots, my family have grown up in KZN, farmed the land, for four generations, you cant beat that. There is so much history, I really dont feel like being forced to live somewhere else.

5)SA woman, you are classy, elegent and beautiful, not scared to get a little dirty, we share common accents, you understand South Africanism's, are. I would like to marry a SAFFA Lass and be very happy chappy one day.

Well, enough of that, i have had a shit week at work, and I am not sure that I want to be in the position that I am. Thus I am off to CT for an exciting little weekend, who know's.

Have a cracker w/end, DT you porno fluffy feet chocoholic have a smashing one!!


Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Fucking great time away, i was in reunion island checking out retail stores, helping our distributoe set up his business, we worked crazy hard, but got to eat and surf the crap out of the place. Couldnt speak a word of French but I got by, hung out with the local flyers, got shit faced on EXPENSIVE red wine, had a girl flash her titties at me, most importantly indulged in some of the most beautiful scenery ever!

Then flew to Mauritius to do much of the same, sort out our conterfeit problem there, but once surfed my boobs and arms off, gawd, it was good. Wish, I could still be there, but alas all good must end to make you appreciate...damn freaking shite face!

check out some of these pics, makes you want to become a hippy and eat coconuts and shit!


Thursday, September 4, 2008

Check out this Crazy Ass Mac Daddy that I saw at the EA Rockfest in Jozi on Saturday night, I mean WTF makes people do this, he must have been on one hella LSD flashback, Y Fronts n' all!

Have a cool day.


Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Remember the song: Sunscreen by Baz Luhrman, my old man played it for me ages ago, I heard it again today, shit its poignant! Read the words if you cant listen to it, good advice for any generation!

P.S. FUCK I want to strangle one of my collegues, thsi bitch on wheels thinks she is God or Godlike...time to ignore and think of her falling into a pit of sharp stakes and snakes, yes...that will make smile.

Baz Luhrman - Sunscreen Speech

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ?9...Wear sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years youll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you cant grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...Youre not as fat as you imagine.

Dont worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you


Dont be reckless with other peoples hearts, dont put up with people who are reckless with yours.


Dont waste your time on jealousy; sometimes youre ahead, sometimes youre behind...the race is long, and in the end its only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.


Dont feel guilty if you dont know what to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didnt know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still dont.

Get plenty of calcium

Be kind to your knees, youll miss them when theyre gone.

Maybe youll marry, maybe you wont, maybe youll have children, maybe you wont, maybe youll divorce at 40, maybe youll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary...what ever you do, dont congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your choices are half chance, so are everybody elses.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can...dont be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, its the greatest instrument youll ever own.

Dance...even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you dont follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

49 second break in speech -- Quindon singing

Get to know your parents, youll never know when theyll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.


Accept certain inalienable truths, price will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do youll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Dont expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Dont mess too much with your hair, or by the time its 40, it will look 85.

Be careful who advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen...
Sorry for the lack of posting lately, I have been away for weeks and now on Friday I have to go to Mauritius and Reunion for a tortuous 2 weeks of work :)

I have been so down about where I am going, I am not enjoying my colleagues at work, they all seem so superficial and the backstabbing type, one person in particular is such a bitch, arrogant and evasive and makes everything so difficult, I have tried to get along, but something tells me that she actually enjoys making life difficult, she gets off on it. To be honest it has drained me, I have tried not to care, but I just don’t want to work with people like this. I am thinking of thinking about leaving.

The whole ex episode has really also beaten me down, I was in CT about a week or so ago, and had a whoppa of a night with clients etc; I wake up to 10 messages on my phone. Crap balls I think someone/something bad has happened, I grab the phone listen to the messaged to hear garbled/crying noises on all, I decipher what is kind off going on: My ex is accusing me (through tears) that I didn’t defend her honor at a braai, someone talked bad about her and I didn’t say anything to that person. I didn’t even hear her name brought up the entire braai, let alone have a chance to defend her good name.

I put the phone down, with a bemused expression on my face, to find that the phone is ringing again (unknown number), I pick up, expecting a work call, its a lawyer, wanting to instruct me that my ex had opened up a case of defermation of character, for not defending her at the braai, WTF!!!!! I was on the phone for 30min to the lawyer, who I enlightened that this is a joke of a case, she agreed in the end. WTF, WTF WTF!!! Can I say that enough... the craziness of how my ex is reacting confirms that we should be over. This whole thing has numbed me!

I am stressed to the hilt! I was at my Mom's last night, I had to stay there as she is off to Spain for a vac (luck you MUM), and she complained about my Dad and his Floozie, and money, and life...I actually had to stop her and ask to not carry on as my brain could not take/contain any more problems or worries, I used to be the most happy go lucky guy, that part of me feels like its slipping away.

I need to get it back, I need me back, I need to laugh more, I need a break...