Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Bill has the hottest mug in town

I avoid admin like the plague, to the point where if it is too much of a hack, I will just lie down and die (if it came to the end of SA, and I had to go through the admin of being a refugee or something hugely dramatic like that).

So with all the dread in the world I go and get ID photies done for an overseas trip I am taking, I head to the dodge ID photo dude, a ratty place in DBN CBD, and zap, it takes two seconds, happy days...the thing with ID photos, is that you always look like dog shit, like a bored ass mofo too, they should let you have cool backdrops or something like that. I hate admin, and now I can say that I hate ID photos, HATE! I am going to exercise my tits off, and get the best ID photo image I can duplicate it 1000 times and use that forever, then I can let go of myself, eat like a pig, drink like fish, and be a fat bastard, but I will have the world’s hottest ID photo....

Here's a question do girls put make up on, do there hair and all that shit for their ID mug shots?

Last night was SupA DupA, I hung out with T_Bone and her connection The Prawn (killa bod, but throw away the head - Ha ha) and watched Juno, what an awesome movie.


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Cool huh?
It is tough having a splintered family, last night I had dinner with my Pops and his floosie, and last week had din dins with Mum, they just cant get along...Mum is a riot, and we drank wine and ate at a average place with average food and laughed our tits off and she tried to set me up with the waitress, she is speaks 4 languages, has oodles of mates, and helps AIDS patients in the valley of a thousand hills in KZN, so yeah kinda like superwoman, although is terrible with cash, cause she gives it all away, serious...she is always offering me money. Oh and she finds time to belly dance and give her mates massages, WTF ~ yeah my moms a masseuse, classy! Dad is a generous ol' pops, he is serious, phenomenal with figures, money and not saying much, although is happy too dispense advise about leaving SA, move to Oz he says, go now, NOW, NOOOWWWW - kinda freaks me out the whole OZ thing, weird, wired up fuckers that side. We had dinner at a fancy place and communicated through sign language and quirky eye glances, floosie ate all the expensive shit.

Hell it sux, but you cant help and wonder what the two of these amazingly talented people saw in each other in the first place? I mean, I wish I could go back in time and see the courtship process, was my old man a crazy young thing, or my mum a dour sock knitter that raved at night? What makes the dynamics of a relationship, what makes the timing right, cause we always evolving, right? So what works now, might not work in 2 weeks time. Is that why you have to change together, how do you do that, communication I suppose...fuck, I am getting mixed up here.

Bottom line is that the fogies, digged having dinner with me in their own weird way, I digged spending time with them. On occasions like birthdays/Xmas etc family is the most important thing, no matter what form, shape or dynamic it comes in.


Sunday, July 27, 2008

So I promised to fill y'all in on last weeks Eastern Cape tour, but didn’t, was super busy, those times where you have just put your head down and klap it! But last week went kinda like this:

On the Monday my PA books me on the red eye, damn I tell the lass not the red eye flight and I get the red eye flight...pick up a rental car in East London and cruise seeing customers all the way to George. The drive is insane beautiful!! East London is all rivers, hills and sea (my dream place), and then onto PE (Not for me, but cool), I stopped off in J-Bay, watched some guys surfing, it’s a natural wonder that place, did you know that J-Bay is considered one of the top 10 surf spots in the world. Then off to Plett, this is where I could live again, I stayed in the best BB, The Tarn Country House, the owners/managers Francois & Henna were the raddest young couple, we drank beer, shot the breeze and I got bumped up into the top suite. Fran├žois is a self trained chef, which cooks the most insane dishes, that night I ate shark pasta, the best damn pasta, I ever have eaten. Then I blazed my way down to George, where I had a run in with a BB owner, he wanted me to pay upfront a day earlier for the accommodation (after 4 phone calls), food and drinks that I was going to eat. I disagreed on the stance that I had not received anything, so did not want to pay in full (was glad to pay a deposit0 for something that I had no received, the guy then proceeds to lecture me on business practice, I mean I am going to be his guest, and he is berating me. He asks, so "will I be staying then?” At this stage I did not want to give this idiot any business. I was just blown away by some people business egos, the big wheel turns my friend, anyway don’t stay at Lands End in Vic Bay George, Vic Bay though is one of the most unique places, I saw whales breaching, surfers surfing, dolphins frolicking, it was like Eden.

So that’s that, and then came the weekend this last weekend, for my 30th birthday. Sweet melons! We tried to ring crap out of it, we hit Southbroom on Friday night, and broke into stride with old mates, and chilled, banged our gums about current/old times, mocked our mates, it was really cool, all whilst in the process of getting sculled out of our minds.

The ol' drinking games eventually bore its horrific head and well that was the start of the end of comatose me, we hit Pistols pub after, I love that place for its brutal honesty about pubs, provide bar, toilet and do what you want after that. I was out of control, dancing with old tannies, running around like a madman, met new best friends, found and lost brothers, I saw pictures the next day that I begged to deleted, but will probably fond their way onto Facebook, damn, damn, I looked hammered, but HAPPY to be inebriated!

Saturday, I gingerly rose, for some reason I am an irritating morning person, up I got, packed surf boards and off with two mates to hit the surf, cool surf a bit of a wake up shake up, then a huge fry up! We lay in the sun, reading, chilling...this continued until the beer hounds pounced and upped the anti, Sat ended up much like Fri, just a different venue, we hit Margate which was teeming with advertising execs from the Leorie awards!

I am shattered and treating today in recovery mode. Happy days, I will never drink again!!


Thursday, July 24, 2008

I have just returned from an epic journey that took me along the entire garden route, it was work based, so not all holidays. I found time to "bunk" and do some cool shit, more importantly when you on your own, you meet the most fascinating people. I literally have just got back, I will catch up some work and tonight fill you all in on "my incredible journey" falko fly!



Friday, July 18, 2008

Another random image, cool huh?

Family, love them or hate them, they are there for life.

My Mom & Dad, split about 10 years ago, a terrible dissolution, that ripped the heart and soul out of a once idyllic little family unit, lets not cry about spilled milk, these things happen, and I am not the only child from a broken home... no boo hoo's on this end. Dramas between the folks have become a way of life for me, and for some reason, I have become the conduit between Ma & Pa, not the best position when you want peace, although at the same time for them to get along.

Right insert the problem (this time), My 30th birthday is looming, hence the dilemma, how do you fit one Dad, Dads floosie, Mum (sad mum who still loves Dad), a Sister, HUGE loser husband of sister, sisters kids (adorable kids) at one table - try and start a meaningful conversation, that is not about the weather...

Conversations Dad's Floosie can have with Mumsy:
Cooking recipes
Dad’s bedroom antics (vomit)
How Floosie destroyed Mumsies garden when she moved in
Floosie telling Mum, that our lifetime maid Celia stinks (Floosie bought Celia soap, washing stuff and ordered her to shower one day - WTF!), Mum loves Celia, stink n' all - for the record she does not pong...maybe a little.

Conversations I will have with Loser Husband of sister:
What is the latest video game on the market - sorry sorry home entertainment bad!
Oh you scored 1264, on Masters of Doom 3, Loser you my hero, can I give you a handjob?
Oh, you didn’t pay for anything again, and my Dad had to pay AGAIN, lets all celebrate, because this is never going to change....cheers, what a loser!

..CHRISTMAS!!!! This is going to be bad!!! This is how I am probably going to celebrate my 30th with my fam dam, great huh, wouldn’t change it for happy smiles, an awesome toasting session, swapping of funning, no, this is how I roll - cue tearing out hair, and fake smiles...God, I don’t care.

WHATS IS COOL, is what I doing with 20 of my OB ONE CANOBIES (mates) over the weekend for my 30th, all heading down to Southbroom for the weekend post the exciting fam dinner, and drinking, dancing, catching up, shooting the breeze, hanging out, and doing nothing...that’s kinda cool. bloggAfrenzic new pal wants me to give 7 interesting facts about me, seeing as she is my one and only blogAsphere friend-E-Poo, I don’t want to let her down:

1) I miss my brothers (X2) in London super bad.
2) I have always wanted to do a design course.
3) I love reading and devour books, especially ones of random normal people, who do normal extraordinary things.
4) I enjoy meeting new people and discussing serious/intimate issues with them.
5) I have a porn movie hidden in my cupboard
6) My first job was working at Spur - I enjoyed it!
7) I have always wanted a tattoo but would never get one.


Thursday, July 17, 2008

I have just been keen to use this image, becuase its beautiful.

So I have been travelling like a mUtHaFukA, all over the place, I have just got back from a cold and wet CT, there was snow on all the mountains flying in, quite beautiful actually!

When i got home, i zonked onto the couch, and realized how tired I am, this time of the year and season, you feel drained. Maybe its me, but I jumped into bed early and just could not keep my eyes open to read 1 page of my book (Bob Dylans Autobio by the by, great read), next thing I am woken up to two bergies, killing each other on the street, screaming like banshee's, I thought the fricken end of the world had arrived...I just gritted my teeth and went with the flow.

Everyone is asking whatts on for the w/end, and to be honest, I havnt even thought that far, work is oppressing and I am feeling the pinch of singledom, I need to get out of this slump, I swear girls avoid newly single guys for the fear of being the "rebound", no no, what we really want is meaningful attention with lots of sex, and minimal conversation, I should buy a blow up doll.


Monday, July 14, 2008

Wow, so a long week in Jozi, but was awesome to see some old mates, hang out and freeze my goolies off! Hell's Teeth, it was cold in JHB!!

I walked passed a water feature and the thing was frozen, WTF! So worked kinda hard all week, and then on Fri, called up some mates and we all went for Sushi at a cool little place somewhere in region of JHB and greater Gauteng, I don’t know where the hell I am when I am on the plains of Egoli. Gorged on sushi, GAWED I love the stuff, and then chilled over a beer or two, drove over to a mates and watched a movie, on the way home, things really hotted up (cause up to this point shit was quite boring, which I was in the mood for). Drive, drive, drive - flashing lights, "pull over", we hear, no worries, law is law, so we pull over.

Here's the kicker, I am driving Goddess's automatic, my foot lunges for the clutch to find the break, the car skids to an immediate halt, sending the copper on a major swerving action to avoid my, not cool for copper mike, who jaunts over to my jam jar, with a very pissed off demeanor! Get out he choons, out I get, license, I hand it over, you drunk he says, no I am not I say, I blow into his booze tester thingy majigy, it says 0.00, I blow again, 0.00 again, I blow again, 0.00 again...Prick face Mike turns around and presses a few buttons on the booz thingy majigy, he turns to me and says that I am over, the machine now reads 0.05, I am going to arrest you, he says, WTF! I say, then Copper Mike drops the bomb, I WILL arrest you unless we can make a deal...I realize quickly what he wants, how much I say? R100? Make it two hundred Mike says!
Flashes of what I should be saying zoom through my mind, although the constant is saying: he can hold you in chookie for nothing over the whole w/end, FUUUCCKKKK, he has me by the short and curlies, I pay him, and swear later a LOT in the car on the way home.

I mean, the corruption was so blatant, this kind of culture stems from the top down, I would freaking hate to know what other kinds of major corruption occurs at the top of government...people must be skimming million and billions. I just feel sorry for the man (kinda like me) who believes in the infinite good in people, its just a downer, when people like Mad Mike lets you down. The bog wheel turns Mike, it turns.

So Friday night ended in a cock up, no fuss, move on, flew home to Dirtbin, jumped into the flyer and headed straight down to the fam dam who was down the South Coast of KZN for the w/end, WOW what a house we were staying in, glass house looking over the sea, I chilled the shit out, no booze, just food, more food and the odd surf, purrrfect! Sunday was the same, so no crazy shit!

I had a cool little surprise late Sunday, it was delicious!

Adios BIAATCH's.


Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Remember I told you that I shot (with a spear gun) a Garrick, well Taa Daa the pic, now it was the first time that I had been spear fishing, although I have been Cray fishing for yonks. I shat myself, cause I didn’t know if any Sharks were going to be attracted by the manic thrashings of the fish, as well as the blood coming out…I high tailed it out of there ASAP, much to the amusement of my mate, who continued to pot the schools of fish, AND MISS!!! HA HA!!

Much ado about that, post weekend blues has set in a little, the bruises internally (liver) and externally (falling off a Motor Bike continuously) seem to be healing, and levels of feeling a little lonely have escalated, mmmm is this what it feels like to be single?

Anyhoo, planning for Jozi work trip to little razzling on Fri, so that should be radical…


Sunday, July 6, 2008

All night (and day) long, all night long...

Like all great rock songs, you have to mix whole lotta booze, beautiful woman in skimpy outfits doing outrageous things and gang of bad boys wearing leather and holding beers! I was a bad ass this w/end....a biker bad ass!

I took Friday off, cause I just didn’t want to work, I went up the North Coast with some mates and went off road riding, shit balls, they took me on a ride my ass will never forget, 5 and a half hours later, my nuts feel like they were still vibrating a day later, and my ass will forever be indented by the seat pattern! We rode up mountains, through rivers, I am the jedi knight of enduro MX riding, I am so sore, mother Theresa could not bring me back to life. THANK GOODNESS for beer, it brought me back, miracle stuff, after the ride, sucking back on the brewski's, feeling as manly as anything my sores and wounds (I fell a LOT) healed themselves, like a mystical superhero, I healed myself. GAWED I felt good!!

The next day, I needed twenty types of different colored pills to get out of bed, I was dead, sore and dead, did I say dead, dead! But like any rock star the show must go on, Off to the DBN July to ride another bony horse into the starting gates and with that any money that I put down on a horse (I lies, I won), seeing mates that I have not seen in years, my eyes (myyyyy eeeyyyyeeesss!!!) popping out of my head, at the beautiful buffet of woman, in the most wonderful assortment of attire, then BANG, I bump into the ex, who looked like heaven had dressed her, my god she tormented me! We ended up having a good chin wag, and sorted out some issues in a good healthy setting, RAD! Back to boozing, back to a fading memories, due to a booze induced frontal lobe, good times!! I do remember having a life saving pizza a Spiga D Ora, if you in DBN you have to have a Mafioso pizza there, sweet tits its good!

Sunday, aagghhhh, headache deluxe, I peeled myself off my bed, and packed a bag, I had a surfing day, watched, surfed, caught some crayfish, went to a braai, ate meat and cray's and watched the most thrilling Wimbledon final ever with a bunch of good mates...Not a shabby w/end huh??!!

Time to rest a tad now!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Don’t you hate when you go though the motions, kinda like floating through the airs and graces of feeling like shite, agghhh. The wheels are turning, but nothing else is kinda there.

Wanting to talk to people, but feel like nobodies listening, is that why we get into relationships, because the other party has to listen? I need to get into the water and bust out a surf, I haven’t been in for a few days. I think that this is due to work, I have been putting in a lot of hours with the work peeps, and I need to get back to my world, my friends, not fake smiles, and how many sugars...

Fuckers, I hate my work today, I wish I could start a business with my best mates, or work for myself, my ideas, my days, my wheel!

Fuck it, back to the coal is going to happen, Ill do it my way!


Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Some of Banksy's new shit, this guy is a stencil artist extrordinair! This is social commentary at it's best, has anyone met the man...After buying a house and not adding much art to it, I think that I am going to give stencil art a bash, I will let y'all know how it turns out, cause I am a appreciater of art, never actually created anything but finger paint and a massive mess. Here goes...

Art or vandalism...gets people talking at the very least.


There is a big surf contest on at the mo, and part of my job is looking after professional athletes of which some are surfing in this event, which means I have to hang out at the contest the contest site, there are beautiful girls of every nationality, wearing nothing, YES nothing. Well if you count string between cracks something, then yes they are technically wearing something...

Now the problem with being single or my problem with me being single is that I want to take opportunities when they present themselves, and trust opportunities have presented themselves, buuuut, I SUCK!!! I don’t want to be a whore, I can’t believe I am saying this, I want to meet someone (in time), that is beyond cool, that incorporates coolness, intelligence and beauty into oneness!

AAAGGGHHHHH, it’s tough, cause the male lion in me wants to eat. I will train him to be a vegetarian for now.