Monday, June 30, 2008

Whoaaaaa, what a weekend, I cracker JackA, well kinda.

As I disclosed, I was playing in a drinking tennis tournament, held by a division of our work, I crashed the party, cause I have a devastating backhand. I made it too the semi-finals and in glorious form, was too drunk to see the ball, they had these super hot ball girls in the tiniest damn garb ever. Now being the single lad that I am and seeing that its been about 3 or 4 weeks I have done the dirty, well UMMMM my eyes were popping out of my head at these beautiful lithe gazelles rolling balls to me. This was a considerable distraction, that I had to remedy by drinking all SAB stock donated to the event, when SAB ran out, I moved onto some horrible local cider brand that burnt the roof of my mouth whenever I sucked some back, crap balls I got drunk, elegantly I would like to point out. I was in a philanthropic mood, so I gave some lass my glasses, they are now gone, for nothing too show (DAMN).

In my tennis get up (wig n' all), I cruise out to Taco Zulu, a mellow bar, and meet up with some hectic randoms, whom I cut some girls hair off with a bread knife, WTF, yes I say again WTF!!! Shit balls, everything got hazy from there, never the less, I got home safe, don’t ask me how.

Saturday was hellava woozy day, due to the fact that I have never in my life ingested so much booze in one evening, hell I felt like shit! Nevertheless I still managed to fit in a dive, and would you know I shot a 7kg Garrick with a spear gun, we fried that up for lunch with some crayfish and VIOLA' a lunch for kings. The rest of the evening was spent with some mates playing Sing Star, jeeezzz I am crap at singing! Like a bunch of bagpipes with holes in, I was belting out some horrible tunes...

Sunday, on my back, on the couch, had a sweet surf, then on my back again. I love PVR, catch up the weeks TV!

I tell you boozing is the pits, the best when you on, but the pits.


Friday, June 27, 2008

Wicked cool.

Sheez n' rice, I am licking my balls today, I hung like a proverbial donkey (in the hungover sense)! Why is it, that whenever you hung, the workload in your life is tripled!! I dunno.

I played poker with the boys, always good for a laff, talk some smut, have a few drinkie poo's, a fag or three, and then feel shite for the next day, tip top!

I am off to play in a drinking tennis tournament, hair of the dog I say!

Have a cool w/end.


Thursday, June 26, 2008

Bust it down Shaun - my buddy
Home Affairs/Licensing dept. in SA is an aborted horrible affair, the drama I went through to get a new license disk was haaa-uuuuuggggeeee! Never fear, I am all licensed up and rolling legally again.

This morning, I wake up for my morning surf, a chilly sexy sunrise dawned and I was stoked. I stroke up into the lineup, and sit next to this old dude. "What’s up", I say, "Hey", he says.... (some light goes off in my head)...Holy shit, that was Shaun Thompson, my boyhood surfing hero, sweet melons of fiery heavens. Don’t you just love being surprised; it’s the coolest times, YAY YAY YAY. Now I don’t get awed easily, I don’t care much for schleb culture, it’s all a veneer anyway, but this was cool.

He has this cool new movie that he is promoting its called "Bustin' Down the Door", its all about Surfing in the 70's, now that’s what I am all about, I dig the retro art and ways of surfing, it had a rebel/innovative quality to it, sadly which has been lost in the commercial push of the sport today, you can call me a hippy purist of Surfing and I will gladly wear the tag. Not that you guys care (hey DT, dig that you read and comment on my Blog - big up - let me know if understand any of this poor).

So was cool, meeting my hero.


Tuesday, June 24, 2008

So, I have not renewed my car license disk, and these sneaky poffadder metro cops, swoop onto my car whilst I am surfing and drop tickets on my windscreen. I mean, WTF!!!

It is totally my fault, I just don’t seem to find the time to head down to the license registration place, what a dumbass. But Metro cops are a bunch of tight assed, abused grumpy fucks - they just doing there job, 100%, but go and do it somewhere else! I am in the wrong, but I dislike them immensely...until I need them, gawd, I am fickle. Fuck it.

So ex-GF, has asked that I tell her, when I am with someone else, this is not going to happen any time soon, as I am still assimilating myself to the single life. Am I bound to tell her?

...ummm hi this is your ex-beau, yeah, I screwed some little honey last night.
...her name, I think it was Mandy, no wait, Sandy, I actually don’t know.
...So how is the weather, awesome huh...or how about dem Yankees, great season.

She would, cut my balls off and feed them to me, thus I don’t think this is wise, I just think to let me get over this hump, of feeling kak about the breakup and then just chill and wait for someone cool to come my way. It’s going to take time, and that’s all that I have at the mo. I am looking forward to hanging out with my mates more though, and meeting new and interesting people, that’s gonna be cool.


Just a cool pic

So life is slooowwwllly going back to normal, I heard that ex-GF had phoned MiZZ B and they banged their gums about me, the conclusion was that ex-GF decided that she too was being psychotic, and would leave me to be for a while.

Whilst that being a moral victory for the mean time, it is SO weird being single, I don’t quite know what to do with myself? I can do the following:

Stay out as long as I want
Speak to whomever I want
Act like a complete moron
Make massive faux paus, and not get chastised like a petulant child
Make cool Mohawks in the shower
Read without being interrupted
Watch sport all night long - On that point, I was on telly last night...that’s right biatches, I am famous!

So I can do all the above, but don’t do any (well few), FUCK IT, I should break out and be the bad boy...buuut can bring myself to it. So I am putting my head down at graft and hoping that will bring me some degree of mental solace.

Fuck, have I changed. Maybe turning 30 in a couple weeks has something to do with the fact, that I have no need to go on a man whoring rampage. But more than that, is that the relationship that I have just exited, actually meant something, and that it not working has hurt.

Life goes on, though. That’s for fucken' sure!


Monday, June 23, 2008

Heavy, heavy weekend. If you are going to be a sad piece of poo, because a part of your life has failed, phone the troops, get out there and surround yourself with mates. Well, my mates were happy to have this guinea pig to throw around for the W/end. We started out in Jozi Friday night, with me going to Masters of Dirt Freestyle motocross show, it was work, but insane to watch, it was great to see so many peeps wearing and consuming the product which I work for, SO STOKED. But there are some freaks you attend these things!!

Masters of Dirt is a freestyle Motor cross event and basically is lunatics jumping their motor bikes & BMX bikes and breaking their bones. It was craassseee with the world’s best freestyle motor cross riders going absolutely dilly, crazy Pyrotechnics, hot slutty looking stripper type chicks acting like sex crazed lesbo’s hamming up the crowd, Bmx Riders, Freestyle Motocross Riders, Minibike Freestyle Riders, Quad Flippers. It was really interesting seeing all these moto/petrol head fans wanting to swamp the riders and pit sluts, I was in red-neckville and it was a cool retarded but different experience! These guys were like rock-stars!!!

Then the next day, pack up and hit Forest's 30th, we took Notties pub down to china town. I gloriously gorged myself on booze, fun, chin wagged my tongue dry with all mates that I haven’t seen in Yonks on yonks. Boys will be boys and a fight broke out, I was not involved I was too inebriated to care, but I went to go and lend a limp hand. All I found was both sides of fighting warriors weeping, the bouncer had sprayed pepper spray in all the guys’ eyes. They were all crying and holding on to each other, whilst swinging for the fence, hoping to connect anything. I promptly tried to push over these bent over weeping men, like a sleeping sheep/cow pushing over fest, I managed 2 or 3 before I had the bouncer chasing me with his gay pepper spray.

Needless to say, I felt like I had licked up all the club floor mix the next day, the drive back, I was crooning like a wounded buffalo! AAGGHHH, but well worth it.


Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Fuckity, Fuck, Fuck...I am a sad sack, EX-GF has gone properly dilly, which I am desperately sorry about. I just need to ride it out and let her get all that anger out, let her direct it at me, let her find reasons to scream, I hope she gets through.

I feel as bad, but dont seem to want to kill. This is tough and has been a tough year, dealing with this dramZ. I hope (really) we can move forward in time.



Ever heard the term pear shaped, my personal life is fucking bell shaped, pear shaped, poo shaped! The straw that broke the camels back has turned into a galactic monster that is the most ridiculous monstrosity I have EVER seen!!!

I understand the term "a woman scorned", although for the first time, I have done nothing wrong, but be me (this may be the problem)...and to this end, I am taking more flak than a Japanese kamikaze pilot. Hell's-Teeth, woman go fucking bonkers, during a break up!!!!

AAGGHHH, people have weird ways of dealing with shit, and I do not exempt men, but woman go clinically nuts (a vast generalization, I know, but allow me this creative license in my situation)!


Tuesday, June 17, 2008


Room with a view!

What a beeyoootifil long weekend, the trip down to J-Bay, was fun filled with spectacular weather, walks on the beach, finding special shells, long dinners and everything cotchIness that you would find on cheesy dating sites. It was really cool, and one that I hope to do again.

If you ever go to J-Bay stay at a place called Beach Music (, we had this balcony that overlooked Supertubes, so we were mesmerized by watching perfect waves and blue seas all day, whilst chilling reading mags and chatting about shite...! We had our own en suite b/room, although shared a communal kitchen, but was a huge score cuase we got to interact with a heap of international tourists. We met one couple from Ireland (Peas I get what you were saying about the accent, too cool!), we banged our gums away long into the night about SA/Ireland/Surfing etc.

It was an idyllic w/end break, although there was an undercurrent of politness and going through the motions, and a fight was always bubbling, for what reason I dunno'?

Then last night, bang it happened, another insignificant issue, BALLOONS into a fight fest of epic proportions.

A nasty spill to end a great weekend, the staw has broken this camels back...


Thursday, June 12, 2008

The inside of my head is every shade of black and blue. Tiny bruises dent the inside of my jelly cerebellum, I am tired, hanging and I am confused as hell, and it’s the best and worst I have felt.

Last night, leaving work after a shitty day, dodging the affairs, stiff smiles and fake cordialities "the office", GF phones and goes fucked up dilly about her crappy day. I am just coming down from the sensory assault of bitchy co-workers, and now have to deal with GF's issues....FUCK! All I wanted to do was go for an arvo surf, do some clean turns and let the saltwater wash away the grimace of the day’s face, so I cut her short:

"Babe, can I chat to you later over dinner, as I want to go for a surf... (Oh fuck, what did I do, the demon of hate was unleashed)"

We boxed like a crips vs. bloods gang war, was pretty spectacular, oh dear. Well, it had to fucken happen, we are heading to J-Bay, so may as well get the fight over with before we go, right?

I went home, vented my tits off to roomy, and felt bad for cutting her off, as I should have cared more, BUT it was just bad timing, as I could not deal with any more reality , my reality cup had runneth over, I just needed a break, a fucking break from life and shit. She phoned to vent/project/whine/bitch at a bad fucken time!!!

We made up, and we are going to J-Bay tomorrow, I hope the peace treaty lasts, final straws this relationship...sad, confused and hopeful.


Poo on life, remember the good times...

What I hope to be doing...
With great delight I have been reading Pea's blog, I have not felt inspired in any way to contribute to my blog, let alone my life. Not saying that I don’t care, or have loser syndrome, I have just been pouring so m much energy into my new job (3 months into it) and starting my relationship AGAIN (its going...), and seeing family and mates, that I honestly have piss all time for myself.

The older you get the more responsibilities are piled on your shoulders, although don’t you get that feeling that you still are a kid, and that the feeling of being overwhelmed to the sense of nausea feels like you are being strangled, YET we always get through it. Freaking life, I love it, and yet work damn hard to enjoy it...what they say is taking the breaks to enjoy are so important to make you realize what all the shit that we go through is for.

That being said, GF and I are off (well I taking, no dragging) to J-Bay for the long w/end. I will surf to my hearts content, whilst I have rented a villa (hippy happy villa) that overlooks the surf break, for GF to read, and for us to be quite and play board games and swing in a hammock. I sincerely hope for our relationships sake that it ends up being as romantic as it sounds...cause every fucking time we get in a car for a long journey or go away we end up fighting like bitches for some insignificant issue...touché'

I hope we make love like dynamite going off in tight spaces, I hope that the waves are cooking (bru!!), and I hope we don’t fight (if we, this will truly be the last straw - and I tires of talking about the last straw!!)

So essentially I am SO looking forward to this w/end in SURF paradise, and it makes all the other life shit melt away for the short while.

I will write often for my HUGE readership of 2 (including me)


Friday, June 6, 2008

Hellooo there dearie's

So a case of abseteeism is always necessary to make the hear t grow fonder, and this kinda has been my mantra of late. I let everything go: girlfriend, myself, sport etc etc, and now have found everything again, and it all seems new and fresh, so all that I let go I put back in my life. Fuck, I became complacent, a fat, grunpy mofo, but now a fresh little pecker has emerged.

So with reckless abandon, I shall document all the fuckups, blotches, cotch upsa and sexed up maniac moments of my life...