New Beginning

Like a young calf in the wild, I am once again new, I start my new job tomorrow, with trepidation and excitement I will venture into something new, for the first couple days I expect to sharpen pencils and hope that the lions don’t get me. What’s crappy, and I am dreading is learning all the new systems, new people, new dynamics and have to study up on the internal political structure that every CC, INC & PTY LTD has...YAY, its gonna SUCK ASS. But I am looking forward to the new structure and ventures that I will be delving head first into, I am craving change!!

With all that’s going down right now, arranging the funeral with my Gran, dealing with all fam dam, that has come into town for the funeral, its all kinda crazy, like loco crazy. To be honest, I feel nothing about starting; normally you get the jitters, although lately life has been put into perspective through some heavy scenarios. I have made a conscious decision to tell the truth about all things me, and how I feel. I just have stopped caring about what other people think, in a good way, I am not going to "let myself go" or start mumbling to myself, scaring little kids or dressing up like a tranny on crack. I am just going to be more myself, and stop trying to please all and sundry for the sake of being nice.

On another front, GF and I had a cool intervention this w/end, it all started when I met some friends who had come back from the UK, we had some drinks and we all decided to go out, I phoned GF and told her I would pick her up in 30 min, well I took about 45 mins, she went fucking off the wall at me. We had an almighty fight, where she bought up all my previous misdemeanours. I had enough, stormed out, stormed back in, shouted, stormed out, stormed in, fought, made peace and then went out. FUCKED UP!!

We eventually got mature had a grown up conversation about our feelings and what was the matter, we faced our problems face on, with no emotions. It was bizarre to have conversations about all the crap stuff in a relationship, and it all sounded positive. It was like having a really expensive therapist in the room, I was super impressed with GF, and I realised why I fell in love with her in the first place. A nice surprise!!! We realised the whole time, that we were fighting for the same cause, and the whole time we were on the same page! Stupid and cool huh!

So now, I start new job tomorrow and bury Gran the next day, fucked up!

S.