Thursday, March 13, 2008

Passport Hack

I drive a taxi, and I can do whatever the fuck I want! So smile...whitey.

My passport expired (I only found this out on a disastrous expedition to Mozambique, where the whole party had to return state side, because I am a monkey), so I had to get a new one.

The process is one of controlled madness, the following happened:

1) Evade the taxi drivers in the road, on the pavement, in way of the entrance. These people really piss me off they are as arrogant as ever, nobody can be so amusingly arrogant as a young taxi driver who thinks that they are bullet proof, accident proof and literally a law unto their own. When you climb out of your car (in the road), ask them to move (they had parked across the entrance), this teenage driver looks at you with dead eyes, clicks his tongue and tells me to "fuck off whitey". I am fully aware that these guys are working; we all need to make a buck, but be considerate. I wish my Polo was equipped with bull bars to ram this prick, I did try (mount the curb to get into the gates), although my bumper got dinged, I was fuming fucking mad!!!

Anyhoo, I laughed off this, TIA (this is Africa - watch Blood Diamonds).

2) I get into the parking lot, and get approached by two Indian guys, who offer me fake passports. Dude, I can get a real one, No, No, they say, Australian passports. WTF!!!!! You can buy an Australian passport, they change the pic and WHAM-O you can legally shag a sheep! The thought crossed my mind, although laughed and walked off. I love the Indian culture in DBN, its so diverse, Indians are traders extraordinaire, they more connected than an old MS DOS computer. The guys I met this day, have lower morals than Sodom & his brother/sister (not sure) Gomorra, and all the time have a smile on their dial, whilst selling some dude stolen passport outside Home Affairs, with a cop station right next door. I was not even angry, I was actually impressed.

3) Get into Home Affairs, saw the queue and walked right back out, I need to get here at first light to get first in line, to sort this passport issue out.

The process of getting in, and a stamp is hectic, I had to shake my head, and think of South Africa as whole. I love this country and its totally unique idiosyncrasies, like a lucky packet you never know what you going to get, this is what I love. Good or Bad, I dig this country, I just don’t want my family getting hurt, and this is what scares me. I hope I don’t get scared away.

I am looking forward to this w/end, heading out to a mates private game farm, they have a pet Zebra. Cant wait, I haven’t seen wild life in ages, it will make a nice change from the beach.


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