Thursday, March 6, 2008

Fastest Goldfish EVA!

Highly developed spirits often encounter resistance from mediocre minds, this coupled with our unique South African way of stereotyping certain cultures; in this case that people of colour cant swim. I say this because of a hilarious story my Dad's girlfriend told me:

Main Squeeze (MS = Dad's girlfriend) is a swimming coach, and a damn good one at that, she coaches junior swimming at a Gov School in KZN, that is representative of the SA cultural spread. The class that she take is split between two grades of swimmers (1) Goldfish - crap swimmers that drown in puddles (2) Dolphins - the future Ryk's of SA swimming.

So MS is calling out the Goldfish names to get into a squad, she calls out Xolni (a happy shiny kid), who pipes up:

Xolni: Miss MS, I am a Dolphin

MS: Xolni, you know you are not a Dolphin, get into the Goldfish group!

Xolni: But Miss MS, I am a Dolphin (pleading in confusion and hurt)

MS: Get into the Goldfish group now!

(REST OF KIDS): You are a goldfish, you are a goldfish....etc etc

A dejected and forlorn Xolni, skulks off to the Goldfish rejects utterly dejected and totally confused. It’s tough being a kid, when public ally told you are crap, and then verbally stoned by the rest of the rabble. It also sux when you think you are something and know in you heart that you are a Dolphin, but are told that you are a Goldfish...tough shit, you a Goldfish, piss off Goldfish!

The Dolphins swagger to their group and the session gets under way, OH SHIT (MS says in alarm)! Why the fright, Xolni is swimming the pants off the Goldfish, and the Dolphins alike. The Boy is a streamlined speeding torpedo, a nautical Bryan Habana!

MS calls a halt to the practice, calls Xolni out of the pool and says:

MS: Xolni, what are you doing?

Xolni: (confused) Swimming Miss MS?

MS: (Re-looking at her list, realising that he is a Dolphin - MS fucked up!)Xolni, I am terribly sorry, but you are a Dolphin. Repeat after me, Miss MS is a dom kop.

Xolni: (beaming) Thanks Miss MS, you are a dom kop!

MS: Xolni, don’t you ever talk to a teacher like that (clipping his head and smiling)!!

This kid must think that MS is one crazy ass white lady, I laughed, what a cool story. I hope that kid kills it at swimming teach us whitey's a thing or two about stereotyping.

Friday rocks, I am doing sweet nada this w/end, cant wait to chill...I need the break. Lets hope the house doesn’t haunt me...

No comments: